a few years ago my father decided to leave my mom to marry another woman after having an affair with her for who knows how long. because of this i have not spoken to my father for about 3 years.even for a few months before he moved out and before i found out his reasons i had minimal contact with him. i am willing to forgive him but he shows no signs of remorse and doesnt even try to contact me. of my 2 sisters only my youngest one has any contact with him, i guess she doesnt quite understand what he did or maybe she just lves him to much. well i still love my father and he was an awsome role model when i was younger, he was always there to tell me what was right and wrong, and i guess this juxtaposed with his greivous act of imorality made me lose all respect for him.
well anyway now more to the point of my post. i enjoy my dreams and pay attention to them a great deal by recording them everynight and i even practice lucid dreaming. but since the split between my father and me everynight and i mean every single night for the last couple years i have at least several dreams with my father in it. is this a sign of some sort of repressed memories or somme other sort of unhealthymental fixation? i would think that something like this would fade with time but it is just as consistent as always.
I don’t think it’s about repressed memories or unhealthy mental fixation, but to me this sounds like a natural response to a dramatic event: the way you saw your father once now seems pretty much destroyed due to the things he did. You didn’t talk to him for a long time, so nothing really is resolved. Subconsciously perhaps you still wish it to be like old times, and because of this and the fact that nothing is resolved, your father comes back in your dreams. Dreams often show you the things you never see on the surface of daily reality: you’re clearly very much attached to your father, but without communication the gap will always remain there, and he’ll probably keep coming back into your dreams. Reoccuring dream situations/persons/objects are often signs that something must be worked out or solved before one can proceed past this “obstacle”. I’m sure that if you managed to talk to him about it in an friendly sense and resolve the whole matter, or reconcile with him, then his occurence in your dreams will diminish. If he still comes back to your dreams, then you’ll probably notice from the context of the dream that things are resolved now.
I hope you can somehow restore the relationship you had with your father… If you both keep silent, how then do you think will this solve anything?
well i dont really think that i want to do that. i guess i forgot to mention how he really fucked up my moms life. after they had kids(4 of us) my mom quit her job so she could stay at home and raise us right, this wasnt a problem at all, my dad being a police officer mad plenty of money for us to live comfortably and had great benefits. now my mother due to the divorce has had to get 3 jobs and every morning has to get up at 3am work till 11am then go on a 30min commute to her next job. she takes these jobs with crappy hours just so she can have basic health benefits. after all this she still barely is able to pay the bills each month. now the amount my dad gives her is fair amount according to the courts i am not complaing about that but it has had a devastating effect on my mother, and i am worried she is developing a drinking problem and is very depressed as a result, we are currently waiting to see if we can afford to keep our home. not only are the effets finacial but my mother is no longer a young woman and the idea of living alone the rest of her life i would imagine is terrifying. i feel helpless about this aspect, my older sister and i am away at college most of the year so i am not even able to help out arround home with say yardwork and stuff. everytime i do go home i get rather depressed seeing the drecrepit condition my once nice home is in due to a lack of upkeep it has, for example the sink upstairs hasnt drained for about a year due to the fact we simply cant afford a plumber. there is piles o junk everywhere cause my mom does not have anytime to ever pick up after my younger sisters who are very destructive. like i said i have no respect for my father and i dont think i could stand to talked to him due to the extent to which hhe severely fucked up my entire family’s life.
There’s nothing unhealthy in that. Before this event happend, when you were a child, you loved your father like all children do.
Yet, reasonnably, you can’t forgive him for what he has done, and I understand your reasons. But unconsciously, these old strong feelings remains, thus the contradiction between your conscious decision (not to see him again) and your desire (that all this has never happend) produces these dreams.
You could perhaps take profit of this recurring dream to have an explanation with your “dream father” in your lucid dreams. Paul Tholey has related a similar case where he could resolve a psychological conflict between his father and him, during a lucid dream.
Ok I understand now why meeting your father irl would be so difficult But as Basilus West said, LDs might be the perfect opportunity to search and meet for your dream father.
Good luck! and let us know how it went if you succeeded
But as Basilus West said, LDs might be the perfect opportunity to search and meet for your dream father.