I came to the conclusion today that I would stop messing around and finally ask someone for serious help and disclose everything that has been bothering me. I apologize if I end up rambling but this concerns most of my life since age 10. I must warn you that I am not spiritual or religious anymore (although I was when I used to practice psychic stuff). I am trying to figure out what is wrong with my mind or IF there even is something wrong with my state of mind.
I used to be extremely interested in psychic abilities and I used to study and “perform” psychic empathy on a day to day basis. For clarity’s sake, what I did was visualizing and feeling with my mind an extension outside of my body connecting to another’s mind. I escalated this sensation until the feeling started driving me insane. I couldn’t control it any more and it wasn’t even a “natural”, flowing feeling. It was forced and the sensation was that of an intense pressure in my head, as if half of my mind was outside of my body at all times. I was 11. After a few months of living like this it went away and life went back to normal. I tried again a year or so later and the same thing happened, except my emotions were dulled instead. It was almost as bad.
I must also inform you that sometime around this part of my life (it’s all a blur) I suffered from extreme anxiety that bordered on OCD-like obsession about stuff like having a heart attack, comets hitting the earth etc.
More recently (as in this week) I decided that there was something strange about the way I think. I still know how to replicate the feelings of psychic empathy and I can focus my thoughts in on a certain part of my brain. If this isn’t a normal kind of thinking, imagine that your brain is a sphere. I can sense stress and manipulate my feelings at will because they manifest themselves as some sort of sensation linking directly to feeling attached to the lining of and contained within this sphere. I have noticed by using this method of thinking (if someone can attach a name to it I would be deeply grateful) that my mind is almost constantly in pain by some sort of pressure, of which I believe the source is stress. The thing is, I am hardly under any pressure from outside sources. I feel like all this pressure has built up inside me from all those years of straining myself to feel empathetic towards others and continuing to use this technique to manipulate my thoughts. If anyone has any thoughts on this, I would deeply appreciate it. Is this normal, something to be worried about or is this a state of mind unique to me? Furthermore, is there a way I can get rid of this pressure that’s been building up? It’s making it extremely difficult to enjoy all forms of art and even daydream because I have this “force myself to think a certain way” mentality.
It would appear most of the problem is self-inflicted. So why don’t you try and stop? No, seriously. Meditating, or relaxing, or going for a hourly walk in a silent park, just chilling out, being there, observing, forgetting even to think, simply watching and listening, forgetting your problems for a little while? The world can wait an hour, and you can see what it’s like to put your fears and thoughts aside for a while.
If something starts happening by its own by then, just let it happen. Self-preservation is a strong instinct, so you can be sure you’ll be safe If you truly want to change what you are now, that means some part of yourself is already pushing towards change, and most times, all that’s left to do is interrupting our usual cycle of thought that keeps us stuck, and just letting that part do its work.
As a long-term advice, I’d advice practicing simple contemplation meditation on a daily basis, because it can take a while and a few attempts to fully realize how much we can be prisoners of our own conceptions, of our own thoughts. When one realizes that, she understands she can just stop doing that, and focus on more positive goals, and live more in the present.
If I understand you correctly… Perhaps you are still picking up on other peoples thought, even when you feel anxiety. It could be phycic energy from other people. If I were you I would just repeat to yourself that they are not your feelings. Try that, and give meditation a try twice a day for ten minutes. That might help. Goodluck.
Thanks much for all your input! I’m going to try my best to meditate, relax and let the stress leave me naturally. I feel like I’ve been adding misconception upon misconception and subsequently I’ve created my own little world of unhappiness upon that of reality. I guess the next thing I have to do is sit back and let my mind unravel that spiral.
I does look a bit like compulsive behaviour (although I’m not an expert). Have you tried consulting professional help, because getting the correct diagnosis is key. Don’t be afraid that your problem is something unique and you’re the only one, because all our brains work alike, so unique mental problems are basically non-existing.
just for clarification, your ability to have psychic projections, could you read thoughts, feel auras, have an increased state of awareness ?
whatever your problem it seems to me as though you just need to get out of your own head for a while. if i were you i would buy a good pc game like starcraft II and play online. after a while you will forget you or your problems exist, some people consider this a bad thing, but it you cant find the source of the pain or stress then the best thing to do is forget about it
btw if you are feeling pressure in your head you may want to check for tumors to be safe
hope i helped , im a hap hazard guy, nothing phases me and i atribute that ability to let go by becoming involved deeply in things like games or deep conversations with friends
lol good point, however it is good to have a healthy fear of something and to take precautions against it as opposed to living in ignorant bliss until its too late.
Well, I used to be extremely anxious but not anymore. I have seemed to outgrown that. Now I’m just trying to figure out ways to undo the damage I have caused myself but I don’t really know where to start. tosxyChor suggested that I meditate but I don’t know where to exactly go wit that. I’ve been taking a lot of time lately to just clear my mind and relax but that doesn’t seem to do much outside of just reducing the stress I have built up inside of me. To clarify: the pressure goes away when I relax. The idea of a tumor has occurred to me before, though haha. I am an avid video gamer btw. The thing is that these problems are interfering with my ability to enjoy video games and all kinds of art because ugh I can’t even explain. It’s very distressing to me.
So, does anyone have any suggestions where I can start with meditating? I have really no knowledge of how to solve my self-inflicted problems in this manner.
It sounds to me that you’ve already been meditating. The empathic reaching-out is one kind of meditation, watching your mind and becoming aware of how your mind works is another kind of meditation, relaxing is yet another kind… and it doesn’t sound to me like they’ve helped as much as you need them to. There are many more kinds of meditations, of course, and you may find the very kind that will help you. If this is a problem, one that stops you from enjoying life, then I think it’s something to be worried about.
Or maybe you’re naturally an abstract thinker, not really an artsy person, but other aspects of your life haven’t been playing to your strengths. Or, even though you don’t feel raw anxiety anymore, you may still respond to anxiety triggers in a different way like tuning out everything.
It’s also possible that the psychic/mental has become physical, and the solution lies in a physical approach. It could be a nutrition issue-- lacking some kind of vitamin or mineral, or it could be an unknown food allergy, something you’ve been exposed to in the water or air, a physical habit like gritting your teeth causing headaches, lack of sunshine, something with your glands… I’m sincerely not trying to push you into needless worry, but there are a whole lot of factors that go into making a state of mind.
If you feel that the focus began with and will end with your psychic development, however…
I think its safe for me to say Ive been through the same. I used to feel the power of others “souls” triangulating above me and judging me from high up even as i tried to speak to the person who was consciencely unaware of what I felt because of them. It was a pressure of being watched and pushed down on because i carried myself around always emotionally exposed. You can call this many things, schizophrenia, lack of confidence, low self-esteem, hitting reality with full force.
You must do the obvious things that I’m sure you must know of, like tosxy said, meditate, draw, just simply walk and think about nothing much… but I well now its harder than simply doing it… people that could indulge in themselves looked like a luxury from where I was. Empathy turned into apathy, I know.
If you see this I would strongly suggest you PM me, as I’m now very interested to talk further on this.
How is your sleep? The reason why I ask is because dreams can be used to understand yourself. Sleep well, dream well, and learn form your dream on these matters of the heart.
Maybe you are a healer and just don’t know how to work yourself and are taking on pain of others without knowing it.
Dive deep in yourself. Get to know yourself.
When you know yourself, you will know the Gods and the Universe.
If you truly want to change what you are now, that means some part of yourself is already pushing towards change, and most times, all that’s left to do is interrupting our usual cycle of thought that keeps us stuck, and just letting that part do its work.
(which is a myth, btw)