I dont know if anyone cares, i havent found anyone in my life who seems to. Is it just me, or is it being programmed into all of our minds that what we, as individuals, are supposed consider what others think before making decisions. For the first half of my life i would always try and look at my actions from a sort of godly view which caused me to overly regret bad decisions. im sure that i have good morals because of this, but i also have horrible social skills. i believe this is because i used to only care about what god thought, but once i aged a little i began to care more about what others think. as soon as i cared about what someone thought, its like i would create my own personality of them in my head. this would be either a really good or bad thing. because when i was with this person, if their current actions matched the personality in my head, its like i know exactly what to say and im sorta in control of their emotions. but if they were in a different mood or something, its like i feel helpless to comunicate with them. now ive pondered at why exactly i feel so helpless in this situation, was it that i was too afraid to maybe look stupid in front of others. it could of been that i simply have 1 subject on my mind and that going off that track is too dificult to do. but after time i began to realize that when i am by my self i tend to have small conversations with these personalities in my head. not really just conversations where i answer myself and all, more like just asking that personality in my head questions and sorta just thinking about what that person would say. well, i have tried to stop this, but it seems like when i dont talk to myself like this that i just endlessly go through conversations in my head. well this would mean that when i actually talk to someone, i feel like i know what they are going to say. well, if this sorta personality thing was just me than with enough practice i should be able to completely figure out someones personality. but this only seemed to be the case when i was younger, i would have friends that i could simply show my world to or more like my emotions. its like, in my mind instead of even talking to people i was still just speaking to those “voices” in my head. but now it seems like everyones personality is sorta jumping around ex. someone is strong with their opinion one day, but completely different the next. well to me this means that they were thinking like me and putting themselves in others shoes in order to make their decisions. if this is true than i am going to be forever hopeless in talking to people about anything other tahn something i feel strongly about. which, enless i find someone who is still subjective, my mind will only be set on facts interesting to me. i have bad social skills mainly because i have almost no idea at all what people care about. its like my mind has been disconnected from reality through everyones objectivity. i just wish i knew this when i was a lot younger so i could work on my own personality instead of others.
Politeness, etiquette. Yes, it’s programmed into us.
I look to look at both sides to everything, not just to double check my own actions. But because in debated issues it’s good to be able to see all view points and debate from both sides (i like that some people don’t.) while not neccessarily speaking my own beliefs on an issue, strangely my social skills are somewhat poor. Whether the two are linked is interesting, I can be overly critical and come off as condescending.
I do the same thing, i’m a little empathic so I have a habbit of being able to switch things around if I was wrong about something, I believe it gives me the ability to be “secretly” manipulative of people. In that I can change peoples moods but hitting their buttons so to speak, while they don’t even realise what I am doing. But when it comes to a group I am useless, I rarely talk in situations where there are more than one other people and usually observe silently unless spoken to directly.
I would say it’s because you were in control until that point, or at least felt you were. Then when you feel you lost control, you just don’t know what to do.
I do this sometimes, not just conversations either. I’ve gone through whole scenarios, good and bad.
I like to have a read on people, even if it’s only a small thing. But when things pop up that I didn’t anticipate, I am a very good listener. Listening to someone helps you understand them more, you can over tell when someone is talking about what they like and believe on a subject than when they are talking from someone elses perspective. When it’s their own belief, they are more sure of themselves and what/how they are saying things.
I can rant on endlessly about things I like, but when it comes to other people I can only listen and say what you might call catchphrases that are neither pro/con the subject at hand, although I do try to show an interest even if I have to fake it. But sometimes, people are happy for you to just listen to their point of view whether you discuss it deeply or not.
While I couldn’t give you tips on how to improve your social skills, all I can say is look at what you are good at and find a way to make it work for you so you can improve them yourself.
You have no idea what people care about? Seriously? From that in-depth analysis you just wrote, I beg to differ! It seems like you think much more about other people than you believe! I know when I talk to others, it doesn’t occur to me to wonder about what they might be thinking - I just go with the flow of the conversation without really thinking about it. I say what I want to say, ask what I want to ask and for me that’s all there is to it.
But you, on the other hand, have obviously spent a great deal of time and care trying to figure out what’s behind it all. It’s commendable. Your social skills are probably much better than you think; for I don’t see how a person could analyse others so much and not learn something positive from it. Don’t worry about it!