I’ve had a special experience lately concering this topic.
A good friend of me killed himself. I was very chocked when I heard it and very confused. My mind couldn’t find rest anymore. Ocasionaly I was talking to him, telling I was not angry at him, that I try to understand, and that I sincerily hoped he could find rest now. But I did this automaticaly, I’m not a person doing things like that, but I couldn’t help. But there is no real communication, so it didn’t help me to calm my mind.
Then one morning, the day of his funeral, I had the following dream:
I’m in a room. There are like 5 or six people and they are talking to eachother. Tim is also there. I’m very suprised, because he should be death. I imediately realise that it must be a dream and say to myself: “Stay Calm, very calm, don’t wake up now, this is a very good oportunity to talk to him”. I walk towards him and start to hug him.
“I’m so hapy that you are here. I’m not angy, I hope you find peace now”, and ask him why he did it. He say’s it was to hard, his strugle with life and that I didn’t have to worry that everything was fine now.
We hug again. And start to talk about the good old days. And laugh a lot while we hold eachothers shoulder by our hands. It feels so good to talk to him in this way.
Than I get very curious, I want to know how it is to be dead and especialy to die afther a suicide. So I ask him about this. When he tries to answer me, his image is fading away. I’m very sad and try to hold on to him, but he’s gone now. Then my morher aproaches me and she says she still has contact with him. I beg her to ask him how it is to be dead. Then, like if she is in a trance begins to tell a story:
"Once upon a time there was a young man who lived in a little vilage in India. He lived in a spiritual community under the guidance of a brahmin. One day he tried a special dangerous technique. Lying down he covered his mouth with a towel. Then suddenly his body shifted from te laying down posture in the standing posture. He walked out his room and went to the brahmin, to ask what has happened. The brahmin said: “what are you doing here, you don’t belong here, go away” and he chased him away. The man was crying and didn’t understand. Why would his master chase him away. He became part of his family, what happened that he chased him away now? He ran outside crying. He ran and ran, until he reached the house of another spiritual master. He knocked the door and before he could ask to become his disciple, the master chased him away: “go away, you don’t belong here!”
The young man didn’t understand. He seemed not to belong here anymore. Then he came to the conclusion that someting must have changed. He finaly realised that he should have died and that indeed he didn’t belong here anymore.
I began to think very hard on this mater, and this woke me up.
I woke up with a very good feeling, the feeling that I had actualy been talking to Tim, that I’ve had the chance to talk to him, say what I still had to say, and say gooobye.
I went to the funeral, but actualy didn’t need it anymore. I already said goodbye to him on a much more intense level. And even though I will never now it was realy Tim, or just an image of him I created in my dream, the effect for me was that I could and should let him go now. It felt like a deep exepiernce and this gave me peace of mind again.