My girlfriend and I are laying in bed last night and I’m reading my Lucid dreaming book. Suddenly my girlfriend truns to me and asks, “Would you have sex with someone else in a lucid dream?” She caught me totally off guard with this question. I look at her and respond, “From everything I’ve read most men really can’t have sex in an LD. I wakes them up.” We then talked about the reasons why men can’t have sex in lucid dreams. In the end she says, “I hope that if you find a way that it will only be with me.” I just smiled and kissed her good night.
Now, the problem is this…I wouldn’t mind trying sex with a DC. Yet, I know I will feel guilty especially if she asks me about it or reads my DJ.
I read through that thread and it isn’t quite what I’m getting at.
That thread was about morals in dreams. The guild I would have wouldn’t be in the dream, it would be in RL. I know that a DC is not a real person, therefore I am not technically or legally cheating (if I were married). But, I am voluntarily having sexual relations with a woman who, in most respects, is more real then any porn could ever be.
I guess the best example I can give is this: If I had access to a super virtual reality simulator (like the holo-deck from Star Trek), and I could load any program I like into it. So I decide to load a program where I will have passionate sex with a beautiful woman. I doubt very much that my girlfriend would be comfortable with this.
Someone there said once that your dreams are your private world. All rules are set by yourself, so the RL morality have nothing to do with that, as well as other people. (but I think that christianity has other opinion about this one - I’ve heard that the point of view is that you don’t commit sins in you dreams, because you don’t control it / don’t do it consciously. So I guess it’d be different for the lucid dreams.)
In my opinion, the real question is: Do you feel guilty because you think sex with a DC is unfaithful to your girlfriend or because she does?
If it’s you that believes it is cheating if you engage in sexual activity in your dreams then I don’t think you’re going to get around it. It’s pretty cut and dried at this point and you won’t be able to convince yourself that what you’re doing isn’t wrong.
I see dream sex as an advanced form of masturbation, giving yourself sexual pleasure without the aid of ‘true’ physical contact, although it provokes the same reactions. Does she have any moral issues with masturbating or feel sleighted if you do so in her absence? If yes, then you’re in a tough spot. In this case I leave it to you as to whether you choose to honor or ignore her feelings.
If your girlfriend doesn’t have any problem with masturbating alone, then I would try to explain the equation of dream sex to masturbation, only instead of your hand touching your body and sending signals to your brain you skip the touching. It just happens that our sexual orientation usually leads us, as guys, to becoming aroused when we see a beautiful lady and vice versa, seeing a beautiful lady when we are, or want to become, aroused.
My God! I can’t believe she came right out and asked you that. It seems so silly to me. As others mentioned, it IS your dream world and you can do whatever you want.
I could understand her viewpoint if you were to specifically go out of your way to find and have sex with the DC of another girl you know in real life, but other than that, I think she’s overreacting.
CarbonCopy’s view was insightful and brings forth the real issue. It also reminds you that dream sex IS NOT real and therefore shouldn’t be interpreted in quite the same way.
Good luck, and make sure your girlfriend doesn’t read up on the forum ever.
CarbonCopy, I agree that dream sex is just an advanced form of masturbation. If I masturbate when she is not around doesn’t bother her…however, if I use porn during masturbation it does. I believe it has more to do with my “fantasizing” about another woman that bothers her the most, and having another woman in my dream is the most advance form of fantasizing. Even worse, I will be interacting with this DC in a semi-intimate way.
sno_isulli, its good to hear a woman’s point of view on this subject. I agree that she is over reacting, but this is the way she “feels”. I believe that she views this as me not being totally satisfied with her. I realize that this is coming from her own insecurities.
Yet I feel some of it is valid. If she was having LD s and was having sex with Brad Pitt all night I wouldn’t be bothered. Yet, If she was having sex with my brother, a co-worker, or one of my friends all night I would be disturbed. This poses and interesting dilemma. I don’t mean to sound like a stereo-typical man, but I do want to have sex in my LD s and I won’t guarantee that they won’t include people from my real life. This doesn’t mean that I would have sex with these people in RL, even if I was presented with a perfect opportunity. But it does indicate that I find these people attractive enough to include them in an extreme fantasy.
Arrrrgh! This has turned out to be more difficult than I imagined it would be.
You must have accidently clicked off the box marked ‘include BB code’ (well, it’s something along those lines).
If you wanna have sex with a DC that doesn’t look like your GF, then ocne again, the answer is simple.
Tell her (and write down the same in your DJ) it did look like her .
If you’re worried whether or not ti’s cheating or against your morals - only you can decide them.
That is true Sureal, I think that sex with DC s is just to tempting not to do, and it isn’t cheating because it’s not reality.
She doesn’t really ask me about my dreams lately, hopefully if I don’t mention it she won’t bring it up. If she does I will have to tell her the truth, I just can’t be dishonest. Hopefully she will understand that this is just a form of masturbation. Maybe I can even convince her to start to try LD and do it for herself.
Or you could blame it on the fact that you didn’t have complete lucidity (I dunno about you, but even in my LD’s I will ocasionally do something that i find illogical after I wake up or it takes me a while to realise it’s weird…).
I think it really boils down to whether fantasizing about a woman other than your girlfriend is okay. Obviously it’s not cheating, but it hurts her feelings. If you knew your girlfriend was fantasizing about someone you knew, it would hurt your feelings.
Obviously you don’t want to hurt each others’ feelings, but does that mean the fantasizing itself is wrong? Or is it the hurting of the feelings that’s wrong?
As an example (and a stereotypical one, naturally), suppose your girlfriend looked bad in a certain dress. Obviously it’s not wrong for you to think that she looks bad in the dress, but if you told her the truth of what you feel, it would hurt her feelings. Now imagine you told her that she looked bad in the dress, and you went into great detail about it. Suppose you went on for hours and hours, ranting and raving about how bad she looked in the dress. I would argue that this is bad behavior even though it is completely honest.
True things can hurt people. It would hurt your girlfriend to know that you’re attracted to a friend of hers, even though it’s not wrong of you to feel attracted to a good-looking girl. Likewise, it would hurt your feelings to know that your girlfriend is attracted to a friend of yours. Logically, you realize that your girlfriend is probably attracted to another man on this planet other than yourself. You just don’t really want to hear about it, just like your girlfriend wouldn’t want to hear a two-hour monologue about how bad she looks in the dress.
I think people are more comfortable believing in something they know is not true, like your girlfriend only being attracted to one guy on the planet. Love is a different story. You can reasonably believe that your girlfriend loves you more than anyone else, and she can reasonably believe that you love her more than anyone else. But even though it’s not love, it can hurt to hear about the fact that she’s also attracted to someone you know.
Basically I guess you could say that my argument is it’s not wrong to be attracted to other women or fantasize about them, but it is wrong to hurt your girlfriend’s feelings by sharing the fantasies.
I completely agree. In fact as I was reading this thread that is almost exactly what I was going to post.
Your dreams are just that, your dreams. There is no reason for you to share them with anyone especially if the person might be hurt by it. Or if you might be hurt by sharing. Best to keep it to yourself.
The other thing I would ask is how do you feel about it? Would you feel guilty if you had sex with a DC?
BTW- It is possible to have sex in lucid dreams. For some it takes some practice but, you can do it.
Thanks. These are excellent points. I don’t think I would feel guilty if I had sex with a DC because a DC is only in my mind. I will just keep it to myself as a personal thing.
and Milod789 - several people have mentioned that sex in an LD is possible, this gives me hope. Now if I can just start having LD’s regularly I can actually practic.
.
Best to keep it to yourself.