Hi Jess,
You have basically just described exactly the way I’m feeling at the moment.
Here is my “venting” thread, where I touch on some similar frustrations.
https://community.ld4all.com/t/a-record-of-my-quest-for-lucidity/39859
I too feel totally disconnected. I’ve only been at this for a week ish, i’ve been doing my RC, trying to establish my “lucid mindset”, but when I dream it feels exactly as you have described. I don’t remember dreams straight away, I usually get up with the kids and then start doing things, really bitterly disappointed that I can;t remember if I dreamt or not, then BAM! a dream memory will come flooding back, i’ll think, how on EARTH could I not recognise the signs in that dream, as some of the things that happen are so preposterous, as to not do a reality check, or come to some kind of awareness.
The moment I remember fragments of a dream, I hold the image in my head for as long as possible. Jumping up and writing in a dream journal is just not possible for me. I have to get up to the kids and see to them first. But later, when I get a minute, ill jot down what I remember in my DJ. i think it helps not only to write it down, but to focus on what you remember and try to extrapolate more information.
For example, last night I had a pretty elaborate dream about my friend attacking me! That’s all I could remember at first. So I try to think of cue’s that will prompt more memory to come back… Like, how did I feel when my friend attacked me, then I use the feeling as a trigger, I felt angry and upset, from that I remember i told my dad I felt angry and upset in my dream, which triggered a memory that I was in my dads house! But how did I get there, i just appeared there after I was in school… wait, I WAS in school? BAM more memory comes back…
Sometimes this doesn’t happen, and if it does the process happens very quickly, visually, in my head, rather than me talking myself through it. Sometimes though, it doesn’t happen and I get very very frustrated, and sometimes wake with a headache from trying too hard.
I try all kinds of techniques before I go to bed, and when I wake in the night. Only once have I come to the realisation that I was in a dream, but even then it seemed like a normal dream. i think this may be the key for me. I woke in my bed. I EXPECTED to wake in bed, this gave me awareness that I should be conscious. Then, from that point, i noticed the wardrobe was upside down. This prompted me to think I was in a dream, but for some reason, I just fell asleep, I think I got excited trying all the things i’ve heard on here. This is the one and only time this has happened. All the other times, my dream self does not even entertain the notion that I could be dreaming, in fact, it just feels like a disconnected mess, a re-run, or a film im watching (ish).
So, for me, i’m going to focus on DILD techniques while trying to imagine waking up in my bedroom, I think this will give me the slight bit of awareness to then say, I might be dreaming.
If you want, keep this thread going and we can exchange experiences and notes and things because we seem to be at the same stage in our quest. Team up? 
