Moments ago I had an interesting experience that I thought I would share. I would like to ask though that anything within the post not be taken critically, or people jumping to conclusions.
Firstly, for those of you who don’t know, I am schizoeffective. I am well medicated and typically I don’t have issues. Sometimes though, some things leak through. I’ll just start from the beginning of it all.
It started with a typical dream. I was at my grandparents house, and it was christmas eve. Family was showing up, and people were hugging, and talking, and everything was normal. Then the doorbell rang and I went and opened the door and my sister was there. A that moment I became Lucid. The first thing that I thought of was to say “I’m Dreaming”, but right as I did, everything stopped. Silence. And everything lost its color and turned black and white. For the most part this is nothing new, but after a couple seconds I woke up. I was a little excited about saying that, but when I tried to go back to sleep, paranoia started filling my head. I did manage to fall back asleep, but I kept slipping in and out of dream and reality. Each time I awoke I felt more paranoia and had a strong feeling that someone or something was in my room. I was a bit scared, and hid myself for the most part in my blankets. After a few more awakenings, a couple things happened. As much as I do not like to say this, there was one awakening where I was awake, and I thought I was dreaming, but it only lasted a couple seconds before I fell back to sleep. I’m guessing that is not that big of a deal, since typically that happens anyway. It just felt a little unnormal. During the time I was slipping back and fourth, both me and my blankets were kept together. the dream turned into me in my blankets atop a very high building. At that moment I heard something speak to me saying “Reality check, reality check.” And I had a very strong urge to climb over the edge and fall to my death. I did resist this ofcourse… But it really felt like something was trying to kick me out of the dream. Eventually I woke up completely, but my eyes were in severe pain. I have never had this happen or hear of this before. I was also extremely paranoid that there was still something in my room. After a moment I got up anyway and noticed the clock said 2:22. Even though it was an hour fast. I went upstairs to get a drink of water, which I always do when I wake up paranoid. (paranoia is nothing new, it creeps up on me even when I do not have bad dreams, and getting up for about 20 mins relaxes me and it goes away.) However, when I came back down to go to sleep again, the paranoia was still there. I had a hard time sleeping, and in the corner of my eyes, every once in a while I would think I see objects shifting and morphing. I ignored it, and tried to sleep again. After about 10 minutes I couldn’t fall to sleep and got up to write this. I have to admit that I still feel a little paranoid, but I’m fine. I’ll fall back to sleep, and in the morning It will not bother me at all.
A few things I need to say.
There was a thread about mental illnesses and how LD might effect them. I enjoyed reading that thread, and my position was that I believed that LDing itself was harmless, but acts of practicing methods in order to obtain LD might not be a good idea. I am still not so curtain about that. Most of the events tonight are nothing new. The only things that are, are the act of me speaking that I am dreaming, and Reality check. I have seen and read these through the forum, and obviously they appeared in my dream because of that.
So, negative? No. Infact I think was a good experience. It’s another example of things I am exposed to IRL that I bring into my dreams. Although the paranoia and such are negative and were applied irl, as I have said, that is nothing new. The pain I experienced may have been new in that it was my eyes, but I have had pain appear elsewhere. The paranoia is actually fairly common though. Will something like this ever happen again? Possibly, but it is highly likely that it will have nothing to do with this forum.
I do have to consult some people irl about this event, but it is just another experience, and no actions will be taken. I’ve only been here for almost a week now, But I’ve not really ever taken major part in any forum before, and I really do enjoy it. I love reading what has to be said here, because It is interesting to hear other people’s views of things so readily. I don’t necessarily like it when it feels that the debate has turned into an argument though… But yes. Even in the end if it comes down to me not really being able to take part in practicing LD, I would still hope you let me stick around, because I love already love you guys!
I just read through this, and I want to clarify a couple things. When I said this site will have nothing to do with it, I meant the paranoia and such that I experienced. Secondly, when I said no action would be taken, I meant that no one will freak out and increase my meds, or change therapy or whatever. Maybe it wasn’t taken that way, but just wanted to sort those little things out