Help! Completely lost it.

Quest for Lucidity
1

This will be a bit of a long post, sorry.
I have been trying to get into LD for a few years. I have never really had consistent success. I first started just by remembering my dreams and thinking about it a lot. The most striking effect from trying to remember my dreams was that the insomnia I had suffered from for many years was instantly cured. After a few weeks I had my first LD, triggered by seeing an alien in my parents’ garden. But rather than becoming easier, it became more and more difficult until eventually I was having no LDs at all.

Then I got the book by Tenzin Wangyal Rinpoche on Tibetan dream yoga. I practised his exercises and had spectacular success after just 3 nights. My NDs were incredibly vivid and on the third night I entered into a sequence of spectacular WILDs where I would wake up with a static image and allow myself to enter the dream. I even teleported and went to the ‘next level’. The next night I had sex with someone (for the first time in about 3 years), broke my routine and found I had completely lost the ability, even though I carried on trying to do the meditations and daytime exercises from the Tibetan book. Since then I have felt extreme resistance even just to doing the meditation exercises, I can barely remember my dreams, and my sleep has become very heavy and unconscious. I had some interesting experiences of insomnia and ego-dissolution while on an intensive, silent 10-day Vipassana meditation course a couple of months ago, but not really dream-related. I feel like my whole consciousness has become sluggish since I’ve lost the vividness of my dreams. I had expected that once I started LDing, it would get easier and I would get further into. But the opposite seems to have happened. I know there are things buried in my mind that are holding me back - but I thought LDing would be a tool to unlock them.

I am not a naturally visual or imaginative person - more of an intellectual type - so I didn’t expect to be the world’s greatest dreamer, building castles in 3-day time-recycling dreams and so on, but I was encouraged by my early success that I might be able to develop these faculties and become more balanced.

Has anyone had similar experiences and can offer me any advice? I really feel lost in a certain way - although I am happy and confident in other ways - and that LDing is a key for my development. Please help if you can.

Thanks, Mango (“illumination”).

2

Hi illumination.

It seems to me like you had succes into LD-ing only when you started on something “new”. Perhaps you have to set your mind for a more permanent resolution to have lucid dreams? Becomming lazy in the mind is one of the bigges blocks one can have, as you should know after reading on dream yoga. We all have so called “dry spell” periods, so dont feel too much set back if you have no or less succes for a period of time. Those who keep going will eventually get to it! But as I have said, motivation and intention is the biggest key to getting back on track, so if you can find those again, I think you would be saved … A way to get motivation back is to think of all the extremely cool stuff you would be able to do when you get lucid! Good luck :smile:.