A little bit of background information. For those who dont know, I’m gay and when I was in high school I met a guy whom at first I had a crush on. We became “special friends” and that crush later changed into me being secretly in love. So he’s a straight guy, at least I think. I dont know honestly but if I had to guess I would say that maybe he felt the same way about me that I felt about him.
He was the most popular guy in school: charismatic, confident, edgy, urban. I was popular, but popular for being gay and this wasnt a poblem for me in high school. I was so flamboyant at the time I really dont know why we became such good friends because we were total oppisites. But anyway, he bought me food, I bought him food. He brought me free reefer to school. it was just something special between us during this particular moment in my life.
Then, my eleventh grade year in high school I had undergone a major personality shift. I had began to become and appear more masculine, majorly. But I was really only trying to impress him. It back fired on me. He repelled against it. We werent as close as before a I had began to notice. At the time, I was so young I didnt think that it could be because he didnt want me to change. Maybe he did love me, he loved me for who i was, the flamboyant little gay boy. I still see him on occasion and when I see him now its sort of like it was in hgh school, our eyes light up and a there’s a weird air like we dont want to part ways.
So now I’ve been having these strange dreams very often that we are in love, and together. And these dreams have been going on since we left highschool (I transfered to a newe school in 11th). I think I still love him, despite the fact that I had met, fell in love with another guy and had a 5 year relationship. What does this mean? Do I still love this man. What are these dreams saying??