hey, ST. ![:slight_smile: :slight_smile:](https://community.ld4all.com/images/emoji/apple/slight_smile.png?v=9)
that sounds good for an introduction, but what strikes me when i read your synopsis is that there’s no goal in the story so far. there are just so many chapters a story can have without the promise of an eventual destination. i mean, surely there’s no law saying that. but then it would have to have been your goal all along. what i’m trying to say is: it is not my intention to sound like one of those lecturers who get literary theory and throw it on people. “if it’s not like that, it is wrong.” no, by all means, you sure can have a story without a goal, knock yourself out.
now that i got that out of my way, let me start again.
as a storyteller, i find that it’s terribly difficult to both stay motivated telling a story and keep your audience motivated if you don’t have a given horizon to chase around. like i said, it’s not a vital thing, what you did so far was rely on a different kind of literary device — namely, fantasy — to keep people interested. now they’ve had enough of it to get used to the brave new world you’re describing, so they want something else. from where i stand, your story has a subject, her adjuvants, perhaps even an anti-subject, but it lacks an object, and without an object there can’t be any action.
something should happen when she gets in this new world. perhaps she doesn’t arrive at the same destination as the others (after all, she is a rookie) and now needs to figure out how to get back. perhaps she accidentally breaks some diplomatic protocol, reveals herself to the “muggles” (sorry, gotta use whatever vocabulary is at hand when you’re not a native speaker), put short: perhaps she gets herself in quite a situation. perhaps the magical power goes away (what? that could happen!) and now the other sorcerers have no use for her and decide to leave her in the alien world. or keep her as a prisoner for knowing too much. or something.
schematically: your story needs something, and that something is most likely a (capital-a) Action towards which everything converges. in order to have an Action, you first need an Object — to solve the diplomatic crisis, to find her way back home etc. of course, i’m giving you some rather simple pointers here. you can bring that whole Subject-Object thing to a whole new level. for instance: cut some bits from what you’ve written so far, so as to make it rather dreamy, make it all fit one chapter or a couple, and then jump to the Action in media res. for instance, MC wakes up at an alley, her clothes are dirty and she’s holding a bloody dagger. she’s no memory of anything up to the point she cast the transportation spell.
not your style? i’ll give you another such-as. you can skip to her being arrested in a sorcerer prison and explain from there. turns out she fell in love with a guy from another world, told him about magic (and thus started a crisis in the magical world), and now she needs to escape prison and find her way back to her beloved one.
too much Bourne Identity for your taste? here’s another one. she casts the transportation spell, but instead arrives at her own planet. it all seems to have been a dream but some weird stuff happens here and there. at some point she sees another sorcerer and her mind gets completely flipped. turns out they tried to erradicate her powers and make it all seem like a dream, but now magic is coming back to her and. come to think about it, scratch that, it’ll be really hard to keep motivation with that plot.
really, anything! Object. you need an Object. you need a big wide Action and in order to have an Action you need an Object. it’s all about giving MC a point in the horizon, towards which she and the reader (and you) can all walk.