i’ve always been interested in dreams, but i’ve been only just been reading a lot and thinking a lot about lucid dreaming, since i stumbled upon this (wonderful, wonderful) site via a wikipedia splurge. (i have wikipedia splurges o.o random knowledge interests me, all right?)
but last night, i had a dream – i forget what it was about, some bizarre situation with an android family with a garden of tvs that didn’t even involve me – and i thought i realized that i might be dreaming. but everything just got fuzzier and the colors started to blur together, and my head was just so overwhelmed it was hard to focus on anything, like when you’re surronded by a very thick fog … so i thought, if i rubbed my hands together, and focused on that, maybe i could keep dreaming …
and i did. but i don’t remember what happened next, exactly. i had a very triumphant, now-i-can-conquer-the-world kind of feeling, made some kind of obscure metaphorical statement about america being a coffee stand, and decided i was going to go to italy through geneva, or some other kind of nonsense. i was rather giddy, and i certainly wasn’t my normal self, and i wasn’t what you’d call lucid, but i knew it was a dream.
because a moment later i woke up, and i scrambled for a notebook i thought i had next to the bed, but couldn’t find, so i could record what had happened and start a dream diary – and it was exactly how fumbling in the dark half-asleep should feel – and i wrote out a fragment or two …
and then i woke up.
;_; my subconcious hates me.
and now i’m so confused~! i don’t think i was ever fully lucid – just dreaming i was dreaming, if that makes any sense – but how can i tell the difference?
what is lucid dreaming like, exactly? i know my dream-self isn’t like my awake-self – she’s even more sensitive, prone to irrational emotional outbursts, and experiences things in sudden explosions of feeling and color more than in any kind of logical order – but if it was a lucid dream, would i be able to think through it and see things clearly like my awake-self, with more than just sensations and impressions, or would i still feel my way, like my dream-self, flowing along with the dream, occasionally exercising control, but still saying or doing things i might censor in real life? or both? in other words, who are you in a lucid dream?
(philosophical inquiry – which one is my true self? o.o save it for another forum, lady d …)