Almost two years ago, I managed to briefly attain lucidity, once with WILD and another while in the middle of a dream, all with prior help from SSILD. The dreamscapes were drab and boring, my senses terrible, my control waiting to slip from me at any moment, and my powers amounted only to briefly floating up a bit. It was nothing like the mind-blowing, I-can’t-believe-it’s-not-reality, colorful and generally exhilarating experiences one can read of, not even close.
But let’s start from the beginning. As a kid, I was very easily scared (wish I still was so I could enjoy all the horror games people seem to love so much), my imagination was rampant, and when you put the two together you get nightmares. I had them almost every night, I was terrified of going to sleep most nights. I also had HI so vivid that after a while in bed I could see them in the dark even with my eyes open. I often got lucid, and in those cases I always tried as best I could to wake up asap. I was also scared of going back to sleep, as I could very well resume whatever I was dreaming about.
After a few years, to try to get some peace, I started “training” myself not to see HI nor pay attention to dreams. If only I knew what power I had, but as a kid and where I live there was no way in hell I could have known. I started learning to fall asleep by focusing my sight beyond my eyelids, and after a while I basically learned to pay absolutely no attention to my vision while falling asleep. I virtually go blind behind my eyelids, for all intents and purposes. My DR got worse and worse over the years to almost non-existent.
Fast-forward to sometime in 2005, when I discovered lucid dreaming. The beginning excitement got me close to the prize many times, but I never got to it. I later gave it up, briefly trying again half-heartedly, only to fail. After a few years, I just gave it up. A couple of years ago, I tried again and got those two brief episodes I’ve described at the beginning.
I always read that everyone is different, that you need to try different things and so on. So I’ve decided to make one topic, for my “case”, to see if the more experienced people have some suggestions or even hunches about what’s wrong with me, dream-wise. I know, I’m not asking for some magic word or ritual that will make me instant-lucid. But I really have no clue what my problem is. I also mean for this to keep me focused, motivated, and to hopefully manage to slip something to my subconscious if nothing else.
This isn’t going to be a DJ, more like a chronicle of my failures, successes, and persistent stubbornness in wanting to get there. To be lucid at least a few times a month, to have even one of those beautiful and vivid experiences everyone talks about. This time, I’m not going to give it up. I don’t care how bad at it I am, I’ll just keep trying. This is gonig to be a journal of everything except the dreams, this is going to be my own Quest.
So here’s my situation, in positives and negatives:
- As bad as my DR has been, it’s slowly improving
- I feel I’m getting a greater understanding of techniques
- I’m starting LL
- In-dream, I just go with whatever
- Whatever technique I may try, I just fall asleep, every single time
- My mind is ultra-tired when in bed and I have a hell of a time trying to focus
- Actually getting out of bed in the middle of the night is problematic for me
- My HI hasn’t yet returned since it went to hell
Current status: I just remember very few fragments each night. LL doesn’t seem to be doing anything, can’t try anything that requires me to stay even partially focused because I just fall asleep. No lucidity yet since I’ve come back here.
I don’t want to stop trying anymore, I don’t want to waste the amazing potential of dreams. I want the capability for life’s most amazing, beautiful, fun and significant experiences to be a consistent part of my nights.
My idea for the moment is to try the current LD4all Quest. Key word being “try”. Who knows, maybe something will happen.
Anybody want to weigh in? Something I’m missing? Success stories? Encouragement? Motivation?
24 Oct 2013
So last night before going to sleep I decided to look up SSILD again, as it’s the only technique that got me lucid, and I realized that I didn’t notice it had a “preliminary” stage of quick, few-seconds long cycles.
I tried it, I even saw a bit of interesting HI for a bit, but I just fell asleep. Of course. This morning I realized that it’s best if I count while trying it, even if they suggest not to. For DR just a few fragments I couldn’t even post in my DJ. I also completely forgot about the challenge.
25 Oct 2013
Zero DR, fell asleep immediately when trying techniques. Just passed out. Lucid dreaming and living have been on my mind all the time yesterday. This night I’m going to get out of bed for a bit, even if it’s problematic. I can’t do anything staying in bed. Not in this state.
26 Oct 2013
No success, kept falling asleep, BUT some DR. Quite a bit actually, even if I didn’t remember everything at first. It’s still something.
you seem to be on the right track with your +'s and from my point of view, your negatives don’t seem that bad.