My strange ways of lucid dreaming

Hi , im new here. but im going to be here a lot if i see people are active and kind.
so it’s almost 14 years that i know about lucid dreams and i never seriously got into it. but occasionally in some nights or days ( usually i sleep in days , i have a very bad sleep cycle) i get into a phase that i’m able to lucid dream as much as i want.
i mean , i can wake up go drink water then comeback to bed and lucid dream. in this state , i close my physical eyes and shortly after i open my eyes but in the dream. i am still awake my eyes are closed but my inner eyes are open. its like having 4 eyes. i can even open one of my physical eyes and see the real world with it and open one of inner eyes to see inside the dream at the same time and i think its rare , because i never heard anyone can do that.
maybe it’s because i use drugs and i’m addicted. right after i close my eyes in this state i get paralyzed and i fly instantly or drown like im on water. usually i go in this state when i worked so hard , not physically but mentally. im a programmer and every time im coding for 6hr and i get so tired , i go in this state and i can lucid dream so easy. but if i work physically, like i go gym or sth like that. i never can lucid dream because my body is so tired and my brain is not so active.
i used to live with my grandparents for 8 years in a village , i always end up in that old house and that village in my dreams, no matter what. its like my lucid dream station and every time i go there in my normal dreams i notice that im dreaming , so it will turn into lucid dream.
so basically i can lucid dream every night , but it doesn’t happen. later i found out that it’s because i don’t want to lucid dream every night. i just dont do anything extraordinary and try to forget about the fact that its just a dream then i forget everything and it turn into normal dream and i dont recall it in day.
because lucid dream for me , takes effort and makes me tired. my head spin sometimes , sometimes i can’t control my fly and i finally drown into space and can’t breath, and i stuck in there for like 5 minutes .
sometimes i get explode and the world around turn into hexagon fractal that are growing. and it make me dizzy and i woke up with headaches. i’m afraid one night im gonna get a stroke or sth or my brain dies.
i never could have sex easily with my dream persons, they all felt tickle and giggly when i wanted to touch them or they would push me and avoid me but at the same time showing me their naked body and attract me. recently i discovered how can i tame them , it’s not them. it’s me , because when i summon someone to have sex with , i get excited and i want to do it fast before i wake up ( because it happened a lot ) but from now on i just sit there and relax and do everything slowly.
most important thing in lucid dreams is to be calm.
no one can ever understand the difference between calm mind and nervous mind than lucid dreamers.
every little stress in lucid dream is vivid and can effect your whole dream and every slow breath and relaxation methods in lucid dream instantly change your dream and make it organized and easier.
so we better understand why relaxation and ambient calm music is so important and what it would do with our minds.
thanks

Michael the psychoman

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