My Thoughts Diary
A brief introduction; I often find my self g about life and the world in general, many of
my thoughts are plausible-for who can truely say they know the truth? Then some are not
so plausible… But my thoughts are my thoughts and I don’t really care what anyone else
thinks, although I’m likely to repeat things here and have no defined path of where
things are leading, as these are only my thoughts and have no artistic thought put into
them as my poems/music would. It is just what I was thinking at the time and in some
cases may even believe.
Many of the things in this Diary may include fanasies, that are just that pure fantasies
that may or may not come true… if they are even plausible fantasies, as such I start with
these quotes…
"Those who dream by night
In the dusty recesses of their minds
Wake in the day to find that all was vanity.
But the dreamers of the day are dangerous men,
For they may act their dreams with open eyes
And make it possible."
T.E. Lawrence,
Lawrence of Arabia.
“What we try to percieve, just leads us us to new questions.”
C.J.Klavins
Tuesday 6th June 2000
“Writing does not cause misery, It is born of misery.”
Montaigne
We all fear something, as humans it’s only natural. Many people fear
insects such as wasps, others fear arachnids. But the only thing that 99% of
us fear is Death. Or to put it another way, they fear the unknown. But not
me, I fear the known world.
The human mind is equipt to over come this world in it’s entirety.
However, as we acomplish the tasks set before us, new tasks take there
place. Almost oa though it is designed to be this way, or maybe we mak our
own challenges. But either way we hardly ever question these challenges
set for us, we just accept them and move on.
We are made that way, to just complete our set tasks and ask no questions.
Yet I ask this question; “Why do we complete these worthless tasks?”
As it was said in a Star Trek: Voyager episode; “everything you do here is
meaningless!..”
So it is to life, what do we get out of completing these tasks? We anger if
we fail, and please if we succeed, but to me it seems as though this is all
life as to offer
This is why I believe we are just be tested by some unseen force, to see if
we are ready to move on to what ever awaits us.
Life was supposed to be about freedom, and our individuallity (that which
makes us different to all other life) but I see little evidence of this. This
world runs how certain people want it to. We are told once we leave school,
collage, or University that we must work-and already we loose our
idividuality… at least for around 9hrs a day we become drones, with no
freedom.
So no, I don’t fear Death.
I welcome it, and instead I fear what others call life. If we cannot have full
control over our lives, our freedom, our individuality, and our destiny, then
we have nothing…
All we have to look forward to is Death, so don’t fear it, long for it, and
when it arrives, embrace it.
I hear a lot of people asking every day of their lives what the future holds
for them; the answer of course of Death. Death is our future!
Embrace it!
Never fear it!
And most of all,
Love it!
Now i just want to say a little about fate and destiny, mainly the difference
between the two. Destiny, is that main part in life, we make our own destiny
and no one else can make it for us, they can-however-influence it. Our
destiny is what ever we want it to be, as i said it can be influenced by
outside input, but as long as you want it you will get it. As long as you work
for it, depending on what it is you want.
Fate is that thing, that has very little influence in our life. If something is
meant to happen it will, one way or another. You may meet some one, that
you believe was fate, it’s happened to me and maybe I’ll tell you why i
believe that some other time. There are only 2 main things that fate does for
us, it gives us life and then it gives us Death.
Now I hear many people asking what does my destiny hold (if you’ve read
any of this you know what I’m about to say) Their destiny holds what ever
they what, they just need to work for it. But the ones that ask what does
Fate hold for me? Well not even I can answer that one, fate works in
mysterious ways and not even I can figure it out.
For those of you who are wondering, why I didn’t say that Our fate is
Death. There is a reason for that, quite a simple one, albeit another
question. How do we know if we are going to die?
Now I know I just said fate give us two main things life and death, but how
do we know we are all going to die? iT is just as likely that some one may
never die.
One last thing, never believe anything because people tell you it’s true…
Such as religion, only believe it because YOU believe it’s true. If your
going to run your own life that is as good a place as any to start.
c.j.k June 2000
Now I appologise, if I repeat myself alot here. But My thoughts tend to do
that.
Many people believe that the future is already decided. This theory could
be best explained by saying; we are but characters in a novel/play and each
of us just acting our writen lines.
That would make “God” no more than an author, we are his creation acting
out what he has writen. Our deaths already decided, we just play our part
till we reach our time to be writen out. But then it also means we cannot
make mistakes, because we were destined to do it any way.
If this is an accurate terminology, then would it not be concievable that
Dejavu is actually remembering either the rehersal or a re-take. And like
any video tape, the new image is only copied over the old. A ghost of the
old image is always there, if you could slow down a video tape enough
occationally you will see the origional image. In the same way the it does
our memory and then subconsciously we remember we have done it all
before.
If this thought of mine is accurate then who am I? And why do I know this?
Am I one of the main characters? Or just a forgotten extra who has played
his part, or still waiting to become part of the main plot? Or then again
maybe I am just being told to write this.
To change the subject for a short time, I would like to think about this; Our
world has laws, I refer to the laws of science. Imparticular, cause and
effect. The theory that: What we do now will effect the future in some way.
A good example would be that of Red Dwarf 7. The episode where the crew
go back in time and accidently kill Oswald, before he shot President
Kennedy-changing the future, the slightest thing done in the past will alter
the future in some why.
Therefore I pose this question; if our future is not predestined and we
really do make our own future, then what differences would there be if I
never wrote this? I kind of wonder how the future would differ if I never
wrote down these thoughts for everyone to read.
Right now you are most likely thinking, well this is just a little piece of my
thoughts and it can’t change the future that much. Well causality is very
much like the ripple on water caused by a stone, past events have the same
rippling effect though time.
Imagine for me if you will, you are holding two stones. One 3 times bigger
than the other. Now throw the larger stone into a lake, and watch the ripples
moving out away from where the stone hit the water getting bigger as they
move out. Now imagine how big the nth ripple is (read nth as any number
you choose) Now throw the smaller stone in the lake, like the bigger stone
the ripples get bigger as they move away from the epicenter. Eventually the
ripples caused by the small stone will become just as big as then one you
chose from the large stone, it just took longer to reach the same size. (Still
with me?)
In the same way what I have writen will change the future, the ripples in
the water becoming ripples in time. What I have writen here may not effect
your lives noticably with the next two years (or in your life time at all) to
what it would be like if I hadn’t writen this. But imagine what the
differences would be in 2 thousand years!
These few thoughts may have become a whole new type of religion or way
of looking at science, (unlikely i grant you but, by the causality effect there
is a change to the future now i have writen it.) Or then again maybe the
riples caused by me writing this will be more like the waves from an
earthquake, which get less noticable as the move away from the epicentre.
Now (finally) back to my orrigional thought; if this is a novel, God the
author, and we the characters. Then is not every writer on this planet a God
too? From Stephen King to myself. Afterall I create the characters in my
novels, I chose who lives and who dies, and all their histories, etc…
I am the creator and the destroyer, I chose which of my characters live and
which die. Am I not just playing God?
Well it maybe an unlikely theory, but still it’s something to think about!
Either way; As we are created, we are to be destroyed....
S Alone
C.j.k June Friday 9th 2000
Love comes in many strange forms, and in Many cases is unexpected. To
fall in love with some one you have never met can feel strange, but if what
you know from that person is their thought/or their mind. And provided
what they say is the truth and is meant Then the love you can gain is far
more than what you would from physical attraction, and therefore is the
greater love.
The kind which is gained through communication, and that which can gain
trust in the biggest and best possible way. Naturally trust must always be
earned, and can be misplaced. It is in our nature to mistreat and mislead…
Our nature? Is it really in our nature? Or would it be true to say:
“What we call Human nature, in actuality is Human Habit.”
We are bound by mortal laws, and by our very nature!
A nature that seems hell bent on destroying us… Both with our need to
evolve…
[To evolve= Our endeavouring battle to better our selves…
And if bettering our selves means killing our selves then so-be-it.]
And to anhialate those who don’t believe the samethings as we do.
As John.F.Kennedy once said:
“Man holds in his mortal hand,
The power to abolish all forms of human life!”
And for what ever reason, we will-as we have-prove this to be true.
If man can’t find away to co-exist or at least find away to evolve, without
causing pain and suffering, Then God help us all!
Because if we carry on, on this path we are only cursing ourselves to
death!
June 16th 2000
cjk
Like most people I find myself faced with problems that this world
throws at us, wondering what the likely outcome will be. Like many I
also fail some of these tasks. I find myself thinking about the
importance of them, wondering how important a successful
completion of these tasks will be in the future, and the inevitable
problems faced with failing them.
Then I find myself looking up at the stars on the darkest nights, then
I realise that these tasks are so insignificant. So many other planets
and galaxies, and we worry about are own little lives. As I realise that
the problems I face are insignificant to others, I too am insignificant
too the rest of the world. Just as the Earth is insignificant to the solar
System, like the solar system is to the galaxy, and the galaxy to the
Universe.
In essence our problems are only as big as we conceive them to be,
and we ourselves are only as important to those around us as WE
think we are!
As you go about your daily business you will become aware of small
minded people. If you sit and talk to these people you will find that the
majority of them, are no more than sheep. Believing what other s tell
them and conforming to the way these others say they should be.
It is these small minded people who find themselves stuck with the
most of life’s problems, but it’s the other who try to lead them that
loose the most. Regardless of what they amass over the years they
are going to loose one way or another, either through their own petty
mistakes or by The End. After all What ever you amass you will never
take with you when you die, everything you did while you were alive
was pointless. Because with death you loose it all, and it is the power
hungry few who fail to realise this!
Whether or not they/you choose to believe it is irrelevant, because
we are all insignificant.
C.J.Klavins 23rd June Y2K
people strive to understand the riddles of the universe, to understand the
meaning of life. They seek the answers to all of life’s questions, and yet the
best example of a true answer came from Alysa Millano. She, while holding
a bag fortune cookies, wished for the answer to all of life’s questions. What
she received was an empty Fortune cookie. How is this an answer? simple.
There are no answers , no preset answers. We make our own questions and
our own answers, our own beliefs are what guide us. No answers can be
given, if no answers exsist.
Long before the answer can exsist, one must truely understand the question
they are asking. Do you know the question? How then do you expect to get
an answer?
Me as always. August 19th '03