Yeah, you know, hallucinagens have probably contributed to the overall increase of quality in my life. Without that experience, i most likely wouldn’t have ended up where i am today. And im very happy to be where i am today.
You know whats crazy? When i was at my lows, i was very close to coming to the conclusion that there is no God. I started to believe that life is just all chemicals and atoms and physical matter. However in recent days, i am starting to see the truth… my truth…there is more than meets the eye, and that life is such a wonderful thing that you just have to stop for a moment and look at things. I mean, this whole Lucid Dreaming thing. THis has been around forever. Looking to dreams for answers, realizing that your more than your physical body. Realizing that there is no period at the end of existence.
Not too long ago my dad died of Terminal Lung Cancer. It was a horrible experience. At first i didn’t want to see him go, then i saw how sick he became, how much he wanted to die, and i soon wanted it too. I wanted his release from the pain. Its so amazing, in the last week of his life, he counted down the days to his death. On the 5th day he held up 5 fingers, 4th day 4 and so on. He started to talk to people that weren’t there too. I remember him mumbling that he saw his mom and my moms mom waiting for him, watching.
After he died, there was an emptiness in the air that also was a sense of peace. No more struggling to stay alive and hold on. No more fear of the unknown.
One week later.
I was waking up in the morning. Drifting in and out of consciousness go in from dream to dream. I felt the urge to go to the bathroom, so i got up out of my bed and walked down the hallway. As i was about to turn in the bathroom, i saw this figure standing at the end of the hallway. It was my dad. Immediately emotion over took me and i started crying. He opened his arms, and I ran over to him and gave him the biggest hug. IT was more real than reality. He smelt just like my dad, felt just like my dad, i could feel his warmth. “Oh Clay, how ya doing kid!” he said. I was so overjoyed all i could say was i miss you so much. We both walked into the backroom over the garage of my house and sat down on the sofa. I wish i had kept a journel of what the conversation was, but i wasn’t as interested in dreams at the time so i cant’ remember the conversation completely. It went something like this.
Clay(me): What the hell are you doing here?
Dad: I can’t leave yet, theres unfinished business.
We talked more about some stuff in between, the i asked him:
Clay(me): So what is it like? Whats death like? the afterlife?
Dad: Clay…(he winked at me and patted me on the shoulder) its unlike anything you, or anybody alive, could possibly imagine. People think they know, but they have no idea.
(my mind wandered and was completely blown in different directions from that statement)
Clay: So have you seen Henry yet?(his dad)
Dad: No, not yet, my business here isn’t finished.
I remember him then showing me a scar. It was a huge opening in his chest going down to his stomach almost like he had just recieved surgery. I knew that it was time for him to leave because things started to get a little strange between communication. He moved over to the sunroof and melted into the light. I was so astonished, freakout and bewildered that i ran straight back to my room and jumped in bed and hid under the covers crying. i dont remember ever falling back asleep, just getting out of bed an hour or so later and walking around the house hesitantly.
My dad was 53 when he died. He had been a heavy smoker and was an alcoholic. He always talked about freedom, and how wonderful it was to be free when he was alive, yet he was so shackled to his addictions that he was a huge contradiction. He had caused my mom and I lots of pain, but i think he needed our forgiveness to pass on to the higher realm.
My mom also had visits with him early in the morning, right at that state of sleep/wake. I believe that these were out of body experiences. The room that i talked to my dad in was all the way it was supposed to be in waking reality.
Who knows what this means. I have found out though for myself personally that life after death exists. It has forever changed me.
So anyway, any of you people ever had some crazy stuff like that happen?
please tell so i know im not alone
