i know i should read more of the posts in here but
"You could just let her know how you feel but say that “you want to become friends first” or whatever. Friendship isn’t scary, a relationship often can be. "
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO
NOOOOOOO
Okay… I will first say that I don’t know much about relationships, but I have my experience, and I have other peopel’s experience… and I have ladder theory which I think tends to be true.
First of all, this is the biggest mistake you can ever make.
Right now neither of you have anything to lose.
If you hold off on your emotions, and she holds off on her emotions, but you two become friends, this puts you in a very bad boat.
I.E. you don’t know what the hell she feels about you, and she probably doesn’t know what the hell you feel about her.
Now whether you like each other or not, you are now friends, you are very worried that if you ask her out, this will jeopardize the freindship if she says no, or she feels the same way.
This leads to the “I don’t want to ruin our friendship” crap… it’s a horrible thing to hear, and it becomes mentality for both sides… chances are, if she likes you SHE ALREADY LIKES YOU… if you wait too long that throws all sorts of mixed signals into the field and complicates things.
It’s best to be upfront about that stuff… for example with me being the shy one, I liked her forever but didn’t know a damn thing about relationships, and she sent mixed signals… when I finally told her (after months) we were already “just friends”
now girls think they can be “just friends” with a guy, even if he likes her… but in reality that just results in much heartbreak/sorrow for the guy, as he wants more… if the girl doesn’t, she is going to end up manipulating him (as he will do outlandish things for her that he wouldnt’ do for just a friend, in attempts to win her over, and waste tons of money on her)
so you basically end up in a relationship where you do all the things people that date do, and you WASTE TONS OF DAMN MONEY, but you don’t get any affection, etc… in return.
I do not know how this applies to a chick that likes a guy, is friends with him, then they decide to become friends due to uncertainty of each others feelings, then when they are friends she likes him a lot but doesn’t know what to say and doesn’t want to jeapordize ending the friendship… but I’d imagine it’s much the same.
Please… the most important thing you can do is not deny your feelings, if you don’t know her very well just say “hey i’d kind of like to maybe get to know you would you like to go _____________ and talk a while?” and then if that goes well… go ahead and play it out for a few more “dates” no more than 3-4 I’d say… if she seems to be opening up, seems to at least like you as a person, that’d be the time to say “i kind of like you” or something… let it be known you like her for more than just someone to talk to… you are interested in more.
If you push it too far (maybe after 2 dates would work) you’re going to end up in a friendship trap where things get screwed up.
laddertheory.com/
everyone should seriously read that, there are exceptions, but not many… relationships are very much biologically and socially predictable… women want status, they want money, and they want support… men have been “providers” for a damn long time.
men on the other hand, just want action, basically…
there are many other wants out there but those two things ultimately sum up the male/female desires, I do believe… aside from just wanting love/companionship, women want financial support… status… security…
and well… just read ladder theory, it is extremely true during the HS days and it’s still largely true in the real world.
I firmly believe that a guy and a girl cannot be friends if the guy likes the girl… it just causes problems… and i don’t know about how it goes on the girl side of things… but.
The goal to a healthy relationship is being upfront and discrete with your feelings, not delaying them… not playing word/mind games… give her a test date or two, if she seems at least mildly interested, tell her how you feel.
Do not play it out for a friendship or things get awkward, confused, and screwed up.
Please do not do that. I can almost guarantee a friendship will not work if you like her and she doesn’t like you… then you end up developing an obsession over her, you love her, you run endless scenarios thruogh your head wondering why she wont’ love you… it tears you apart, you’d kill just to be able to hold her close to you, but she won’t allow that… and why? WHY?
It drives a man mad… it’s not good. If she doesn’t like you and you want to be friends with her you need to find another girl to obsessed with, convince yourself she is ugly, or get a girlfriend.