I’ve heard countless story of someone in a nightmare, realizing it’s a dream, and with the flick of a wrist completely eradicating a lifelong phobia…
unfortunately I’m not one of those kinds of people.
I’m quite afraid of spiders… it all stims back to playing Sim Ant as a child, i think… i used to be afraid of snakes (adopted by my mother screaming at one) but I quickly realized snakes weren’t scary by watching a tv show about them not a few weeks later.
Unfortunately I never had the fortune of seeing some laid back childrens show about spiders that wasn’t too intense.
So… just today I had a rather screwed up LD, this alien looking thing (from the movie Alien) randomly attacked me while I was talking to my subconscious and I could not fight it off, it was too strong, I wandered over, I think at my grandparents, and you know, I sort of caught the glimpse of behind their back fence, a giant spider.
See, I think my mind was mad at me and wanted me to stop being lucid, because I prematurely forced myself awake.
I’ve never once managed to bravely confront one of these things… they aren’t particularly “agressive” it is the THOUGHTS running through my head and my ACTIONS that bring them to life… example one time I saw one, it was not moving, but the second I ran and flew up in the air it jumped up and bit me and woke me up.
What good does running do me? I once tried to throw a knife at one but had no confidence and immediately forced myself awake…
fighting isn’t the answer either.
I swear though, even though it isn’t real, it’s probably going to be one of the hardest things I’ve ever done in my life… in comparison, it would probably be easier to hold, say, a harmless wolf spider in my hand (hell that probably wouldn’t scare me)…
confrontation… god… i’m not happy just thinking about it.
But it’s something that eventually has to be done, isn’t it? I’m better off for it, aren’t I?
What should I do? I know, no matter how bad it gets, the only damage that will occur will be psychological (yay!)… I know that, if I go through with doing psychadelics, a genera lack of phobias would help me a lot… (i wouldn’t be doing 100% dissociative doses though)
I mean… but… knowing it isn’t real doesn’t help me at all… that’s the thing, that’s the point of a phobia, it’s an irrational fear, I know it… but I can’t help it… I absolutely love Tigers, they could maul my face off, I don’t give a damn, no phobia there… it’s not the fear of harm, it’s just… well… it’s a very normal fear to have, they CAN harm you… but still.
they’re so god damned ugly and freaky too.
someone help me, have any of you ever point blank decided to confront a very severe phobia? Did you go through with it, did it help? Did it make your dreams more pleasant afterward?
part of me wants to get it over with tonight… i can handle the feelings, it’s the visuals I have never ever confronted… i’ve sat there and let feelings happen plenty… let there be a feeling of spiders on me… but… visuals…