how often do you have LDs?
when i was younger? about five LDs a night. But after they put me on those meds its suppressed my memory recall to a great extent and my dreams all feel, kind of dulled and hazy now. I was uh…kinda sorta skipping doses for a while so i could have dreams, but i researched online and they said not to do that so, no dreams for me. for a long time, probably, as long as it takes to wean myself off of the abilify
I feel the same way. Im on clozaril. I want to get off of it but the voices might come back if i do. and i cant even try till i live independently. I still have vivid dreams often
in my case i was badly misdiagnosed and i shouldn’t be on the meds at all, since it’s fixing a problem that isn’t there, but I can see why this is a trickier situation for you. glad you still have dreams tho!
what were you misdiagnosed as? are you addicted to the abilify?
there is no way my mom would approve of me weening off the meds and im stable because of them anyways
misdiagnosed as schizophrenic {its actually just DID and PTSD}. I know now that my alters falling apart was what was happening, since they all have weird and highly symbolized backstories which probably sounded like total nonsense to the doctors, {especially because I was using a variation of the nightmare re-scripting tactic out loud for all to hear.} I wasn’t aware at the time that a psychotic break is not synonymous with schizophrenia, but they wouldn’t listen to me and kept insisting that’s what I had
I see. I believe I was misdiagnosed too, experienced real spiritual warfare/demonic oppression and they diagnosed me as schizzoaffective. but i think i really have autism and hightened sensitivity to noise. but im scared the demons will come back if i am wrong and it is the clozaril keeping them away and they arent just back in hell.
do you still experience alters? I knew someone named Mike who had multiple personality disorder! He was also trans
Interestingly, a major contributing factor to my breaking apart was that I misunderstood my alters for demons. My alters can actually show up in my dreams and are self-aware whether Im lucid or not, and to me that was proof of legit demonic attack and possession. What made it worse is that some of them identify as being demon characters {Dante, Luci, K, and The Inkling/Azazel.} I dont think I fully integrated with them since I still hear them talking, but I’ve only had alters front on the rarest occasions. Are your voices internally heard, or external?
mine were both internal and external. The demon Krishna would talk right in my ear, outside of my ear with a buzzing sensation.
The others were inside my head and said “I want to talk”. It was so bad that there wasn’t room to think inside my head and I had complete terror attacks along with the voices.
Now I just have an imaginary friend that is based on an ex, he is completely friendly and not a problem. I make him say “I confess that the Lord Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior” to prove that he isnt a demon!
I almost wonder…i could be dead wrong, but could the internal voice part of it actually be your own alters? like if you have DID along with the hearing external voices. when I thought my demons were attacking me, i’d use the “In Jesus’ Name” phrase and it wouldn’t work. no matter what I tried there they always were, and I was hurting them deeply by calling them ‘it’ and promising them that God would torture them. Have you ever allowed yourself to have a conversation with your internal voices?
I dont have those voices. I would preach to the voices, I am pretty sure they were demons or at least extremely violent and angry and I don’t want them back in my life!
If I may ask, what was it that led you to the conclusion that they were demonic? {the ones who said they wanted to talk.}
In the beginning the were posessing me partially and they were scary. The one Krishna, it said “You could die” and possessed my body and forced me to walk into the street when a car was coming. And it was pretending to be God and tricking me and made me think I would go to hell forever and that I was cursed. It took a long 6 years to recover from the trauma the voices caused.
That does sound frightening, im sorry you went through that and im glad you’ve recovered from the trauma of it. I have additional questions about this as well, but I wanna be tactful in how I approach this… if Jesus’s name is a powerful way to stop demonic attack, then shouldn’t you only have to use it once with maximum effect? or is that method not strong enough to keep these forces away for good?
I dont really know. I know when I found God I said I wanted to make the devil change, become good, and that God sent me the demons so I can guide/help them change. I dont know why saying Jesus’s Name didnt make them go away, I believe the last time they left they left for good but Im not sure.
according to how the rules are supposed to go, if the phrase didn’t work, then its possible they aren’t demons at all, just presenting that way because that’s what your mind expects them to be. It’s similar to sleep paralysis, if you’re scared of grey aliens then grey aliens are what’s gonna manifest during that experience. hate clowns? you’ll see one of those lurking at your bedside. For my sleep paralysis, it was also demons {of course.} Our only other option I can imagine would be that Jesus’ power is ineffective for doing what it’s supposed to do: to protect you from spiritual harm, immediately and permanently.
Yeah. I dont really know. Im just glad they arent there, i had demonic sleep paralasis too where i see someones face in a dream, and then the face contorts and becomes a demon and sits on my chest and I would push myself up, push the demon off of me. I think it was more than just sleep paralasys at least in my case.
I used to be in the exact same boat as you, a couple years ago I was thoroughly convinced of my experiences as genuine spiritual attack because it just felt so realistic.
I noticed you said you wanted to help Satan and the demons be good. have you only recently become Christian? were you having these bad experiences before or after you adopted Christianity as your faith of choice?
I was raised Christian until i was like 10, my parents stopped taking me to church when we moved to maryland. Though I was part of an orchestra that was part of the church. then i went to college and participated in Occupy Pittsburg like when i was 20 and did drugs and found God. I was FTM transgender but found God and went back to being female. He helped me through all the bad things that happened to me. Im 31 now so ive been christian for about 10 years.
In my case, I was raised Christian as well, stopped going to church at about age 15 although I was strongly devoted to Christianity up until I was 23. Despite us going to seeker-friendly, progressive churches, demonology was a huge part of our lives- tapes on how to stop possession that our uncle gave us to listen to in particular were a huge influence on me at the time. I didn’t realize it then, but those beliefs were causing me significant psychological harm…I had to leave that religion after I read all the way through the Bible cover to cover. I did that in order to confirm the book as true and infallible, but there just was too much disturbing stuff there that didn’t sit right with me. Also I’ve never gotten to have a conversation with someone who was transgender before, and I’m curious to know what that experience was like for you.