Today i had quite a harsh discussion and our opinions separated.
Can man and woman be merely friends and nothing more?
I believe theres always a sexual interest in such relationship. Thats just natural. And if man and woman are merely friends now, there had already been or it will be someting more than just a pure friendship. I dont know, maybe its just my curvy mind ,but interaction with male and female friends is totally different for me. When theres a man around, the background becomes somehow tickling and flirty.
Of course, because think of the bisexuals. If a man and a woman couldn’t be just friends, then a bisexual person would never be able to be just friends with ANYBODY!
And, if they both think the other one is unattractive then they shouldn’t be attracted to eachother?
Oh, my silly logic.
I can assert very strongly that I am never, ever attracted to ugly guys. Yes, it’s very shallow, but believe me - there is no sexual attraction in those cases whatsoever!
Same thing goes for men with rotten sleazy personalities, as well, except they don’t even rate as friend material!
Wow! This could be the first thread with only female members responding. Amazing, no?
I don’t really have much to say myself except that I do think men and women can solely be friends, provided neither of them are attracted to one another. If there’s no spark, then you aren’t likely to long for something more from the relationship. However, I think this is rare and hard to find, and the likelihood of one of the two people feeling more for the other is very strong. I’m sure it happens from time to time, where a man and a woman are only friends and never consider or seek the potential for more. But I doubt that it’s common.
Is it really a bad thing that members of the opposite sex can rarely be just friends? Maybe. It’s hard to say. But human beings thrive on physical and emotional intimacy, so maybe we’re all getting what we really need. I have no clue. I don’t pretend to understand the mind that well. It’s a baffling place filled with irrational sensations, thoughts, and feelings. To me, it’s like a puzzle that will never be solved.
I don’t know, I have alot of male friends and I really don’t think there is a danger of us having the hots for each other. I’ve never really gotten along with any woman for any extended period of time. The women I know or have known are so much more likely to talk s*** about you, stab you in the back, etc…Men will talk about books, dreams, whatever, on a more consistent basis. The women I’ve met are really into drama and I just don’t have the energy. But yeah with men, there is some friendly flirting going on which is always fun, even with the gay guys I know, but I really doubt could be more than that
Looks like really very female topic, though i think i can drop my few cents.
As you see this is very complex.Main thing in my opinion would be social enviroment.I understand having female friend and nothing more if it takes place in circle of friends allready.For example- i have a girlfriend,my friends have a girlfriends ,we meet all togheter.Some of their girlfriends been my friends for over 15 yrs now.This is solid,cuz ive allways thought about those girls more like my sisters than anything else.Just having bf in my friend provides this "block".
Only in such circumstances i can say yes to pure friendship.
In any other case i say no- it will allways evolve this way or another.You say there is no spark sometimes and guy is unnatractive and so on.Remember that relationship or sexuall interaction does not allways require to be sudden.It often develops.
Now you have a friend- that means someone you trust,you have fun with, you can rely on- isnt it what female first look for in men?Safety thing?In time youd start to look at him as a partner to be with.Because hes great guy!Thats why u became friends!Who cares wheter hes attractive or not,this changes in your eyes along if you like his physicall part.
And it is very similar to us,men.Apart from above we also less often require the feeling to sex.We can do it out of curiosity, out of the magic of the moment,because we never/or for long time had sex.Many reasons and its much easier.For us sex does not necesarrily ruins friendship.We think “i can treat her as freind still,it was great but hey life goes on”.Not out of cruelty but because we keep the deal of not messing someones life.I guess its harder for women cuz you treat things a lot more emotionally.
Sorry,maybe thats bit too long to explain simple things.
Anyways…Frienship is allways great thing to start good relationship.I never get lines like “oh id go with you and all but that would ruin our friendship and things would never be the same”.Of course they wouldnt!:)They would get even better(except eventuall split but why worry about whats to come when its not started yet?)
Take care:)
Unfortunately, no I don’t look for safety first. I should,(another reason why I am single I don’t trust myself.) And of course the man/woman friendship thing only works if you keep your pants on. But most of the men I’m friends with I would never see in that way. I don’t know why but I tend to catalog men as do-able and non do-able. I guess I’m just a pig that way
sno_isulli: your opinion is almost perfectly like mine
I find the point of going from friendship into different relationship painful. Yes, of course, a person who is going to be your gf/bf has to be your friend at first to make a good start for further things, knowing eachother etc. But when something in your relationship fails, you just begin to think, how it could have been if you just had remained friends and nothing more. Its just fear to lose the dear person.
Ofcourse men and women can be friends without anything sexual happening. I have lots of friends that are girls that I have no sexual interest in, because I’m friends with them because we share interests and have fun with other people together.
I have had several male friends from early teens until now. Somehow, I connect easily to men, and male friends are easy to talk with. Still, I have never been in a sexual relationship. Friendship is a connection between minds, and sex is a connection between bodies. Both can be present in the same relationship, or only one.
I agree though, it would be a lot easier going from a friendly relationship into a sexual one, than it would be to go the other way, i think.
Nope! Maybe that was mainly true in the 50s or 60s, but girls in my generation are increasingly brought up to look after ourselves. I’m sure a few girls still crave “a man’s security”, but to me it seems faintly ridiculous, having learnt self-defence and pursued a good education, not to mention already being financially secure with assets for the future. I’ve been brought up to rely on myself. Your typical guy doesn’t really have anything that could make me feel safer than I do already!
What I personally look for initially (and don’t get me wrong, I understand it’s different for many other girls) is good looks, charm and (especially) intelligence. But a man doesn’t need any of these attributes if he wants to be my friend - as long as he’s nice. True, if I had a male friend with the three above qualities, I would certainly want a relationship. But I’m afraid in my experience there seems to be something of a shortage of men who fill all three of these categories, so I’m hardly worried. (The scary thing is, it’s the guys who think they’re charming that are the least so - they come across as desperate and sleazy!)
Damn Stormthunder. Good for you! But when I talk about safety I meant emotional safety. For some reason the challenge always gets me, safe = boring. Maybe I was misunderstanding the post. And I always seem to find that the ones who are a problem are the ones who have the charm, good looks, and intelligence. They are intelligent enough to know what they have but not what it means to have it. But knowing this has made it easier to remain friends with people I would normally have been attracted to
There have been so many valid points made in regards to male+female friends. I do still think it’s possible for us to be friends and yes there may be something that you like about your friend but if you want to remain friends that’s where it should stay. Right in the back of your skull.
My b/f was a friend before we got together. It’s been a while now. I think we’re still close friends. But to be honest I’m sure there are things we don’t share like we did when we hung out.
Yeah, unfortunately with all the life stuff that couples have to deal with they tend to fall into these traditional roles once you get together. It’s hard to remain real. That drives me crazy! I didn’t change just because we got together. Why the hell would he think I did? Especially if he knew me before hand! It ruins the friendship.
Of course there’s always a sexual interest… in your relationships. If it were’nt the case, you wouldn’t have forgotten that one could be 60 old, and the other 13; or they both can be ugly, etc.
I’ve friends amongst girls, and as I don’t choose them because they’re pretty, I don’t experience such confusion of feelings.
Well for me, the answer is yes, a man and a woman can just be friends, much like a man and a man or a woman and a woman. I have about as many female friends ans I have male friends. Being gay, I’m not sure if straight peole can be like this. Hell none of my male or female friends turn me on and I’d never see a future together with them as anything else but friends.
“Your typical guy doesn’t really have anything that could make me feel safer than I do already”
As someone explained before safety does not mean financiall security.I know and ive been told thousand times how independant females can be.
I quoted above because there are other things than material understood safety.A tea when youre sick.An advice when youre in trouble.Time to listen.Care for the kid when you at work.So on.
Apart that my words were more in evolutionary sense- safety is something very desired even if only on subcounciousness level.
So “i look for a safety in mans arms” does not necesarilly picture stupid, weak country girl with no education.
Bit off topic,but had to clarify before it will make mee look male showinist who wants his woman just for kitchen chores:)
cough Ive occasionally found SOMETHING today and remembered of this topic. If you would have some time and intention to read it, id be glad to know your opinion.
In my opinion, Yes. Men and women can be friends without it coming to something else. But you are absolutely right about it being more fun.
