the BIG Jokes topic Part II

Do you want a pointer on making video games?


A farmer has three daughters. All of them are going out on their first date on the same night. He stands by the door with a shotgun. His oldest daughter’s date comes to the door. “Hi, I’m Freddy, I’m here for Betty, we’re going to go eat some spaghetti.” he says. The farmer lets his eldest daughter go. Then his middle daughter’s date comes to the door. He says “My name is Bo, I’m here for Flo, is she ready to go?” The farmer nods and lets his middle daughter go. His youngest daughter’s date approaches the door. He says, “Hi, my name’s Chuck.” The farmer shoots him in the head.

A politician dies and goes to the pearly gates. St. Peter says “We’re trying a new deal up here. We’ll let you spend one day in Hell and one day in Heaven and then let you pick.” The politician then spends one day in Hell. He has a good time, partying with all his deceased friends. He then spends a day in Heaven. He meets new friends and has a good time, but misses his old friends. So the next day he approaches St. Peter and says “I know this will sound kind of weird, but I think I’d rather go to Hell.” St. Peter fulfills his wish. It’s very hot, dark, and barren. The politician goes up to Satan and says “What’s going on here? Where’s the party? Where’s my friends?” Satan replies “That was the campaign. Now you voted.”

A woman is talking with a friendly seeming neighbourhood guy who has agreed to babysit her young children. She asks, “Have you ever been down to the playground?” The man replies “Oh yes, I have.” “Do you enjoy watching the children there?” she asks. “Oh yes,” the man replies, “I love to watch the children run and jump about. See, they don’t know I’m firing blanks.”

A lead guitarist and a bass guitarist get in a fight onstage. The singer walks over and says “Hey, what are you guys doing?” The bassist angrily replies “He detuned one of my strings and he won’t tell me which one!”

How many female singers does it take to change a lightbulb? One, she hold the lightbulb in place and the world revolves around her.

Three construction workers in New York argue over who’s strongest. To prove each other’s strength over the others’ they decide to see how high they can throw bricks. So the first worker throws one brick, and it goes over the Statue of Liberty. The second worker takes a second brick and throws it over the Empire State Building. So the third worker takes another brick and throws it up into the sky, and it never comes back.

So, how was it? :content:

Wait, I don’t get it…

Hmm… Well, I’ll tell another then:

A guy was riding on an airplane, and he decided to smoke a cigar. Unfortunately, he was sitting next to a woman with a dog. The dog began coughing, so the lady said, “Excuse me, sir, but could you please put out your cigar? It’s really bothering my dog.”

He angrily replied, “No, I won’t! You shouldn’t have a dog on this flight anyways!”

“This is a non-smoking flight! You need to put that cigar out!” she said. They argued back and forth… get rid of the dog, put out the cigar, and so on.

Finally, the man said, “Look, I’ll compromise with you. If you get rid of your dog, I’ll get rid of the cigar.” He was thinking, “She’ll never want to give up her dog.” But much to his surprise, she agreed to the deal!

The lady opened the window (amazingly, without causing the air pressure inside the plane to drop) and threw her dog out. The man, thinking that he had another cigar anyways, threw his cigar out the window, thinking that he had won.

However, the woman suddenly reached out the window, and grabbed her dog’s leash! As she pulled the dog back in, she was thinking that she’d won, but do you know what the dog had in its mouth?

SPOILER - Click to view

A BRICK!, of course! Haven’t you read the brick joke first? xD

Good one toxyChor :content: . Now let me tell you one of the best jokes I know:

A man comes back from work. He’s quite tired and wants to watch some TV. There he takes the remote and tries to find some channel he would like. Suddently his wife hits him on the head with a frying pan.
“Oooouch ! Hey, what’s wrong with you ?!”, he said.
“What’s with this phone number in your bag ???!!!”
“Oh, that one ? Sweetheart, its the number of the horse I bet at the horse races today…”
She calms down. The next day the same. He is really tired and can be found watching TV again. All of a sudden his wife hits him again with a frying pan on his head.
“Aaaaargh ! What the ? Are you nuts ?? Waht was that for ??”
“The horse phoned you !”

A pregnant woman gets into a car accident and falls into a deep coma.

Asleep for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.

The doctor replies, “Ma’am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them.”

The woman thinks to herself, “Oh no, not my brother – he’s an idiot!” Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, “Well, what’s the girl’s name?”

“Denise,” the doctor says.

The new mother thinks, “Wow, that’s not a bad name! Guess I was wrong about my brother. I like Denise!”

Then she asks the doctor, “What’s the boy’s name?”

The doctor replies, “DeNephew”.

Nice one moogle, it was hilarious :lol:

Never thought so far that Denise sounds like the niece :razz:

Three survivors are on an island.
One day, they catch a golden fish.
Fish offers everyone one wish.
First man says “I want to go home!”
And he’s gone.
The second man says “I want to go home too!”
And he’s gone too.
And the third man looks around. He sees he’s alone.
“I feel alone already. I want them back!”

Hahaha classic but always makes me laugh :tongue:

Funny one :gni:

PS: Omg, 11 pages :eek: Someone should make part III - I guess a mod could.

The topic will be split to create part III once it has 12 pages or more. :moogle:

Oh… sorry. I taught when it has 10 pages or more :tongue:

An Irish man walks out of a bar. :tongue:

Very good one :gni:

What is purple, has four eyes, and eats people?

SPOILER - Click to view

A purple four-eyed people eater!

And another one :content:

And another one :content:

The wheel needs to be very large to get to do this, doesn’t it ? :neutral:

Two old ladies are talking.
Old Lady 1 : Did I tell you my husband just died last week ?
Old lady 2 : Oh my god, what happened ?
Old Lady 1 : I asked him to take some vegetables in the garden for diner. He went there and dies of a heart attack.
Old Lady 2 : Oh … and what did you do ?
Old Lady 1 : I made pasta

What’s the difference between a snail and puberty?

SPOILER - Click to view

A snail will hit Justin Bieber first! :rofl:

To keep the Christmas spirit :content: