the BIG Jokes topic Part II

[color=red][b] Post all jokes and funny stuff in here. Please don’t post a joke as a separate topic in the forum. It will be locked and directed to this one. Thank you

This is a split topic Part I can be found here CLICK

The xxx jokes have been removed. Jokes do not need to be xxx to be funny.

This also counts for tasteless jokes. [/b][/color]

2 muffins are in the oven. 1 says to the other “man, its hot in here!” The other replys back “Holy $^&! a talking muffin!!!”

In the army, a private went to the sarge’s office and asks “Why weren’t you with us and ate in the cafeteria?” Then the sarge bursts "Oh $&|@!! My watch stopped! THen he ran down and hammered on the door “Lemme in! Lemme in! My watch stopped!!” Then the cook inside replies “Waddya think this is? A clock workshop?”

Q Why did the chicken cross the road, roll over in the dirt and then cross the road again?

A

Summary

Because he was a dirty double crosser

;p

:gni:

a husband and wife are pulled over by a cop on the highway and the cop says “do you know how fast you were going?” and the wife says “10 over the speed limit officer” the husband then says to his wife “be quiet okay!”. the cop then points out his broken tail light and asks him when he was going to get it fixed and the husband responds “it just broke today. im going to get it fixed now” and the wife says “oh, that tail light has been broken forever and we aren’t going to fix it today” “SHUT THE &*#@ UP!” grunts the husband. The cop said he was going to let them off but before leaving he asks the mans wife “does your husband always talk to you like that maam?” and she replies “only when hes drunk”

:lol: Never heard that one before! :content:

-What’s the difference between roastbeef and peasoup?
anyone can roastbeef.

Here are some jokes that I have but they may offend, PM if you want to hear the punchline. And that Muffin joke, my friend came up with that joke in 2000 and sent it to an online company for a joke contest and he won the contest.

Here, I’ll just tell the jokes and PM me for the punchline

-Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
-What’s the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?

To the mod, these jokes are not “xxx” but some may consider them in poor taste, which is why I’m not posting them. If you feel that they are too bad then just PM me and I’ll edit the post(or you can do it)

What happened to the swedish guy who ate crabs for dinner?

He did the famous side-ways crab-dance…

Know what tomorrow is? Friday! Not Boilday, not Bakeday, FRY-DAY! :cool_laugh:

That was SOOOOOOOOO lame… :content:

Here’s another…

A guy through a football at a woman. He said he was making a ‘pass’ at her. :mrgreen:

what about a french pastor joke wolb? too weird you posted a joke in this topic when i dreamt of you telling jokes.

Heard of the two musicians and the drummer who walked into a bar ?

Any drummers here ?

Okay, this isn’t really a joke but it’s the closes I can come to one.

For those culturally sensitive, I am proud of my culture and ancestry but sometimes funny is just that. Funny :tongue:

This is not to insult or offend our culture. >

WHY LATINOS CAN’T BE TERRORISTS…

  1. 8:45 am is too early for us to be up.

  2. We are always late, we would have missed all 4 flights.

  3. Pretty people on the plane distract us.

  4. We would talk loudly and bring attention to ourselves.

  5. With food and drinks on the plane, we would forget why we’re there.

  6. We talk with our hands, therefore we would have to put our weapons
    down.

  7. We would ALL want to fly the plane.

  8. We would argue and start a fight in the plane.

  9. We can’t keep a secret, we would have told everyone a week before
    doing
    it.

MY FAVORITE…

  1. We would have put our country’s flag on the windshield.

“I allways knew my mother hated me as a child, my bath toys were toasters and radios…”

A man had three daughters, he is in the lounge one day and the eldest daughter walks in and asks
“Daddy, why did you name me Rose?”
“Because a rose petal fell onto your head when you were born” he replied
“Oh, okay then~” she responded and skipped out of ther room.
The second daughter comes in, her name is Teabag, she says:
“Daddy, why am I called Teabag?”
“Because your uncle dropped a teabag onto your head when you were born” he replied
“Oh, right…” she responded and walked out.
The third daughter enters, her name is Brick and she says:
“FaaUNGOOg”

(Sorry if that joke offends anyone…)

What was the “FaaUNGOOg” for?

It’s supposed to show that she’s not right in the head.

Oh…

Kenai told those to me
Do you know why the swedish have round houses? cos they dont want the dogs to wee on the corners

Why do the swedish carry cardoors in the desert? so they can open the window when it gets hot

And I told those to Kenai

A norwegian was visiting Great Britain and was driving around in his car when he hear on the radio that some idiot was driving on the wrong side of the road.
Then he said: One? I have seen hundreds of them

Why wasn’t Jesus born in Norway?
They couldn’t find three wise men.

In Sweden we tell stories about Norwegians being stupid and in Norway they tell stories about people from Sweden being stupid. And they funny thing is that it is the same stories.

I myself Have nothing against Norwegians

me niether :tongue: not against swedish people either :tongue:

not exactly a joke but… mabye not even fun but many jokes arent :tongue::

Anyone here?
im here :tongue:
I know u are :tongue:
realy… how?
i am you
you are?
yes… :eh:
oh…
?
i didnt know…
you didnt?
nope…
oh…

now you doo :razz:
yes…
:smile:
thanks for telling me :happy:
no problem :content:
Kenai, please keep this room ontopic on dreaming only…
ok…
i will stop

Change of Channel

HELLO!!!
im so lonely
me too
i know
now i know im you so dont bother anoying me…
youre the one who is anoying
take your split personality to a different channel where im not!
why do you care
i dont!
well you seem quite angry :tongue:
ahh… STOP bugging me!! :cry:
haha :ebil:
AAAHHH!!! :grrr:
youre getting angry
no im not :meh:
yes you are…
nope :meh:
YES You are!!! :grrr:
nope… sorry
youre driving me crazy!!! :help:
haha!! now youre angry

  • Kenai jumps off a cliff… landing on Rut
  • Rutt broke his back
    HAHA!!!
    what you mean HAHA!!?
    i luagh at you
    how can you luagh at ur self?
    i am…
    have you forgot
    forgot what
    that we just was yelling at eacho… aaa…
    :content:
    :happy:

I find it quite amusing talking to myself :tongue:

lol !
Kenai !:lol: