hehehe…giggle gigggle…
This is more of a funny saying than a joke, but I thought you’d enjoy it anyway.
One One was a race horse. One Two was one too. One One won a race, and One Two won one too! 
Nice.
There was something like that with four guys named everybody, somebody, nobody and anybody… I’ll have to find it…
Anyways, try these tongue twisters. Say them out loud.
I’m not a fig plucker nor a fig plucker’s son, but I’ll pluck figs 'til the fig plucker comes.
Old mother hunt had a rough cut punt, not a cut rough punt but a rough cut punt.
I slit a sheet, a sheet I slit, upon the slitted sheet I sit.
Yeah, they’re not supposed to make sense, just stupid stuff to make you swear. 
Hey those are nasty!..my kids would love them…/me sighs
Here we are…
This is a little story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody.
There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it.
Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.
Somebody got angry about that because it was Everybody’s job.
Everybody thought that Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn’t do it.
It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done
LOL! Sounds like cleaning time at my house…
Mine too…
Here’s a crappy joke inspired by today’s dream and a RL experience.
A teacher was fed up with his hyper class and took a ‘drill sergeant’ like tone with them. He had to earn respect and the attention of the class. Whenever he said the word ‘Frog’ the kids had to jump, if they didn’t they were sent to the office. He would randomly ‘Frog’ the students, if they weren’t prepared it meant an extra quiz or assignment. (This is a true story…)
The other part is how all the class at one time or another was ‘Frogged’ (meaning sent to the office). The class put together a revenge scheme using some flies. The (real) flies were placed in a store-bought chocolate cake.
The moral is to know your cues…Whenever I hear/see dream I should do a reality check…either that or pass by another ‘You are dreaming’ billboard or worse have someone tell you.
hehe… so you were one of those students? what happened to the cake? Did the teacher ever yell frog again? (yes those are the questions that arise in my mind after reading that 
)
oh btw
DREAM!
Yes I was…Three kids were behind it; A guy with an iguana, me, and some girl whose dad was a manager at Wal-Mart. The teacher ate the cake…didn’t notice the flies until the last few bites. Spit it out, began to swear. Teacher never yelled frog (in that class), but gave us as many assignments as possible, (since no one squawked) he called everyone’s parents, and gave everyone an ‘F’ as a test score (half the class was failing anyway). The highest you could get was a B-.
Kind of a crude observation…
A family member brought a 6-piece chicken nugget meal from Mc Donald’s. As I glanced at the box I realized there were 3 sixes on the box. One on the top, one on the side, and the last on the bottom section. All of them in perfect alignment when the box was closed. I showed the family member “So it’s Mc Donald’s! Why didn’t I see it when they started the card thing?” (side note six-hundred —is the number)
I have a good joke that I think you will like that is clean.
One day this guy was outside in his backyard and found a brick and did not know what to do with it. So he picked it up and started to throw it in the air. He kept throwing it up in the air higher and higher until one time it did not come back down.
OK im going to try another joke this one should be a little bit better.
There was these two people on a plane sitting next to eachother. One was this old man with a cigar and the other was this lady with a poodle. The lady did not like smoke form the mans cigar and the man did not like the poodle barking all the time. So they made a deal the old man would throw out the cigar if the lady would throw out the poodle. So they agreed. When the plane landed they looked outside the window and saw the poodle on the wing of the plane and guess what was in the poodles mouth.
The Brick.
hehe i know that last one in a variation where they both are in a train, and the poodle comes running after they arrived at the station. And what was in the poodle’s mouth?.. it’s tongue 
It has been along time since i heard that one but i think it is a good one.
The 2# most ninja SIG on the ld4all forum!!
Cant remember who had it 
Buddha to the hotdog vendor: “Make me one with everything.”
The coolest sig in the world (In my oppinion )since it is rather true. Can be found below X-P
Haha, I mentioned that on another topic.
-What do you call it when someone works at night?
-the night shift.
-wrong
-What do you call it when someone works at night?
-I don’t know.
- you calls it Martini
Hehe. Had to do it, huh?
I don’t remember where I’ve read it, but:
“On the other hand, you’ have different fingers”
Im pretty sure these havent been posted yet:
Cop jokes!!
How to escape a speeding ticket
A man gets pulled over by a cop for speeding. The cop gets out of the patrol car and walks over to the man who is rolling down his window.
Cop: “Can I see your liscence please?”
Man: “No, it was taken away after my 7th DWI”
Cop: “Then can I see your registration for this car?”
Man: “Its not my car, I stole it”
Cop: “This car is stollen?!?”
Man: “Yes, but i think I remember seeing the registration in the glove compartment when I was putting my gun away.”
Cop: “Theres a gun in the glove compartment?!?!?”
Man: “Yeh, I used it to kill the owner and I put her in the trunk”
Cop: “Theres a body in the trunk?!?!?!?”
Now by this time the cop had radioed for back up, and also called in the chief of police.
The chief walked over to the man:
Chief: “Can I see your liscence?”
The man pulls out his liscence which is valid
Cheif: “Do you have the registration for this car?”
The man pulls it out and shows him. The car belongs to him.
Chief: “Can you please open your glove compartment slowly?”
The man does so, but there is no gun.
Chief: “Can you open your trunk?”
The man does so, but there is no body.
Chief: “I dont get it, that officer said that this car was stolen, and that you killed the driver and put her in the trunk.”
Man: “Yeh, and I’ll bet he told you i was speeding too.”
No one availible
A man had just gotten into bed and turned off the light when he heard noise coming from his backyard. He got of of bed to see what the noise was and was amazed to see 3 darkly clothed men in his tool shed. He immediatly called the police, but was told that no one was availible to come to his house at that time. So he hung up the phone and thought of what he could do. After thinking for several minutes, he called the police again but this time said this:
“Hi, this is that guy who called before about the men in my shed, you dont have to worry about coming any more, I shot and killed them all with my rifle”
With in three minutes, the entire police department had shown up and captured the 3 men. Then one police man went to talk to the man:
Cop: “I thought you said you shot and killed them.”
Man: “I thought you said no one was availible”
Enjoy!
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