lol 
do you get it?
Depends on how you pronounce “madame”
One day a cat dies of natural causes and goes to heaven. There he meets the Lord Himself. The Lord says to the cat “you lived a good life and if there is any way I can make your stay in Heaven more comfortable, please let Me know”.
The cat thinks for a moment and says “Lord, all my life I have lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor.”
The Lord stops the cat and says “say no more” and a wonderful fluffy pillow appears.
A few days later 6 mice are killed in a tragic farming accident and go to heaven. Again there is the Lord there to great them with the same offer. The mice answer “All of our lives we have been chased. We have had to run from cats, dogs and even women with brooms. We are tired of running. Do you think we could have roller skates so we don’t have to run anymore?”
The Lord says “say no more” and fits each mouse with a beautiful pair of roller skates.
About a week later the Lord stops by to see the cat and finds him snoozing on the pillow. The Lord gently wakes the cat and asks him, “How are things since you are here?”
The cat stretches and yawns and replies “It is wonderful here. Better than I could have ever expected. And those Meals On Wheels you have been sending by are the best!!!”
One day a computer games addict died and went straight to Hell.
A few days later God gets a call from Lucifer: „Please, do something with that damn hacker! He killed all devils, smashed all vats, blew all fires out… And you know what? He now insists to give him the next level!..“
Lol! some of you guys are really funny! I’m glad I found this thead. I really needed it today.
-
The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks
than the Aussies, British or Americans. -
The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks
than the Aussies, British or Americans. -
The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart
attacks than the Aussies, British or Americans. -
The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer
fewer heart attacks than the Aussies, British or Americans. -
The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and
fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Aussies, British or
Americans.
CONCLUSION:
Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
Lol Athiest!
heres a good joke,
theres three guys walking across a bridge and a genie arose and said go jump off the bridge and say what you want to become. The first guy ran jumped and said an eagle and flew away. The second guy ran jumped off the bridge and said a lizard and crawled away. The last guy ran but tripped on a rock and said Sh** and turned into a turned and kursplat!
I don’t know who the author is, but I think I should add it here:
“If flies didn’t have wings, should we call them walks?”
hehehe…giggle gigggle…
This is more of a funny saying than a joke, but I thought you’d enjoy it anyway.
One One was a race horse. One Two was one too. One One won a race, and One Two won one too! 
Nice.
There was something like that with four guys named everybody, somebody, nobody and anybody… I’ll have to find it…
Anyways, try these tongue twisters. Say them out loud.
I’m not a fig plucker nor a fig plucker’s son, but I’ll pluck figs 'til the fig plucker comes.
Old mother hunt had a rough cut punt, not a cut rough punt but a rough cut punt.
I slit a sheet, a sheet I slit, upon the slitted sheet I sit.
Yeah, they’re not supposed to make sense, just stupid stuff to make you swear. 
Hey those are nasty!..my kids would love them…/me sighs
Here we are…
This is a little story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody.
There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it.
Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.
Somebody got angry about that because it was Everybody’s job.
Everybody thought that Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn’t do it.
It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done
LOL! Sounds like cleaning time at my house…
Mine too…
Here’s a crappy joke inspired by today’s dream and a RL experience.
A teacher was fed up with his hyper class and took a ‘drill sergeant’ like tone with them. He had to earn respect and the attention of the class. Whenever he said the word ‘Frog’ the kids had to jump, if they didn’t they were sent to the office. He would randomly ‘Frog’ the students, if they weren’t prepared it meant an extra quiz or assignment. (This is a true story…)
The other part is how all the class at one time or another was ‘Frogged’ (meaning sent to the office). The class put together a revenge scheme using some flies. The (real) flies were placed in a store-bought chocolate cake.
The moral is to know your cues…Whenever I hear/see dream I should do a reality check…either that or pass by another ‘You are dreaming’ billboard or worse have someone tell you.
hehe… so you were one of those students? what happened to the cake? Did the teacher ever yell frog again? (yes those are the questions that arise in my mind after reading that 
)
oh btw
DREAM!
Yes I was…Three kids were behind it; A guy with an iguana, me, and some girl whose dad was a manager at Wal-Mart. The teacher ate the cake…didn’t notice the flies until the last few bites. Spit it out, began to swear. Teacher never yelled frog (in that class), but gave us as many assignments as possible, (since no one squawked) he called everyone’s parents, and gave everyone an ‘F’ as a test score (half the class was failing anyway). The highest you could get was a B-.
Kind of a crude observation…
A family member brought a 6-piece chicken nugget meal from Mc Donald’s. As I glanced at the box I realized there were 3 sixes on the box. One on the top, one on the side, and the last on the bottom section. All of them in perfect alignment when the box was closed. I showed the family member “So it’s Mc Donald’s! Why didn’t I see it when they started the card thing?” (side note six-hundred —is the number)