I have a good joke that I think you will like that is clean.
One day this guy was outside in his backyard and found a brick and did not know what to do with it. So he picked it up and started to throw it in the air. He kept throwing it up in the air higher and higher until one time it did not come back down.
OK im going to try another joke this one should be a little bit better.
There was these two people on a plane sitting next to eachother. One was this old man with a cigar and the other was this lady with a poodle. The lady did not like smoke form the mans cigar and the man did not like the poodle barking all the time. So they made a deal the old man would throw out the cigar if the lady would throw out the poodle. So they agreed. When the plane landed they looked outside the window and saw the poodle on the wing of the plane and guess what was in the poodles mouth.
hehe i know that last one in a variation where they both are in a train, and the poodle comes running after they arrived at the station. And what was in the poodle’s mouth?.. it’s tongue
How to escape a speeding ticket
A man gets pulled over by a cop for speeding. The cop gets out of the patrol car and walks over to the man who is rolling down his window.
Cop: “Can I see your liscence please?”
Man: “No, it was taken away after my 7th DWI”
Cop: “Then can I see your registration for this car?”
Man: “Its not my car, I stole it”
Cop: “This car is stollen?!?”
Man: “Yes, but i think I remember seeing the registration in the glove compartment when I was putting my gun away.”
Cop: “Theres a gun in the glove compartment?!?!?”
Man: “Yeh, I used it to kill the owner and I put her in the trunk”
Cop: “Theres a body in the trunk?!?!?!?”
Now by this time the cop had radioed for back up, and also called in the chief of police.
The chief walked over to the man:
Chief: “Can I see your liscence?”
The man pulls out his liscence which is valid
Cheif: “Do you have the registration for this car?”
The man pulls it out and shows him. The car belongs to him.
Chief: “Can you please open your glove compartment slowly?”
The man does so, but there is no gun.
Chief: “Can you open your trunk?”
The man does so, but there is no body.
Chief: “I dont get it, that officer said that this car was stolen, and that you killed the driver and put her in the trunk.”
Man: “Yeh, and I’ll bet he told you i was speeding too.”
No one availible
A man had just gotten into bed and turned off the light when he heard noise coming from his backyard. He got of of bed to see what the noise was and was amazed to see 3 darkly clothed men in his tool shed. He immediatly called the police, but was told that no one was availible to come to his house at that time. So he hung up the phone and thought of what he could do. After thinking for several minutes, he called the police again but this time said this:
“Hi, this is that guy who called before about the men in my shed, you dont have to worry about coming any more, I shot and killed them all with my rifle”
With in three minutes, the entire police department had shown up and captured the 3 men. Then one police man went to talk to the man:
Cop: “I thought you said you shot and killed them.”
Man: “I thought you said no one was availible”
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