This sounds exactly like me, including the giving up part, except my only LD was about a month after the date I joined the forum (check it, that’s a long time, Kai, so heck no, you’re not alone, don’t get discouraged).
LOL 
While many people also say this, and I’m sure that negative thinking like doubting yourself cannot possibly do you any good when it comes to trying to become lucid, I have tried the positive thinking approach, confidently telling myself, “I will have a lucid dream, I did it once, it must be easy, I can do it again”, blah blah blah, but that doesn’t seem to have done the trick either.
Although Darxide seems to be able to just will himself to do become lucid…he says to not so much command yourself to have a LD but just suggest it and let it happen, so anything is possible. And although Darxide gives me hope, I still haven’t gotten the hang of his method. But it’s a great topic found here (“willing yourself to do it”):
https://community.ld4all.com/t/willing-yourself-to-do-it/22117